Core Wounds Healing: Stop People-Pleasing & Rewire Your Patterns (Divorce & Beyond)

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Welcome listeners.

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I'm thankful that you're here and I'm

so excited because JJ Za is with me.

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She hasn't been here for a while and

jj, I, I remember the first time I had

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you on, I'm like, Ooh, she's a big deal.

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I was like nervous.

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You've like been in magazines and I

mean, this woman there is so much to you.

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It would take years.

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To unfold, but I'm gonna say, I'm

gonna put your link in the show notes.

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I always have a link to the core wounds

course there, but there's so much and,

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and, um, things I wanna delve into.

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You've got books, you've got lots

of podcasts, not just one podcast.

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There's, there's an abundance of them

and you can find them on her website.

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But jj, I just wanna welcome you and I,

I have been taking a healing journey.

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And I think you've been a big part

of it and you maybe don't even

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know it because a lot of it has

been through your online course.

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And, um, it's been a hot

minute since I did it.

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I think I did it about a year ago,

and I want to talk about it because

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I think it has really led me to the

next level of healing and taking a

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look at where those wounds came from.

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I didn't even realize, let, I didn't even

realize how much that course affected me

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until I was led a little bit further along

and then I did some, um, forgiveness work.

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Ooh, that was powerful.

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And redeeming too.

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So, um, I really, if you could just share

a little bit more about your core wounds.

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Course in this episode.

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And then you mentioned the

year of the horses coming.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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2026 is the year of the fire horse in

Chinese astrology where while we were

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in 2025 was the year of the snake.

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Speaker: And

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Speaker 2: the snake is

about shedding skins.

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And thank you, Lisa, for having me back.

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Yes, by the way.

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Thanks.

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Hi.

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Um.

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Yeah, let's have this conversation.

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'cause what's happened in 2025

is I actually wrote the book

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about the core wound process.

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'cause I actually created

something called a core wound map.

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So what you have is the very first

iteration of the My Roadmap to

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Emotional Healing Course, which

is still in all of my rewiring

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your core wound pattern programs.

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And it's still, it's its own

course people can take, but it was

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way, way in the beginning when.

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For me, when I did the core wound exercise

in Imago therapy and I just saw it on

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a piece of paper because the way my

brain works, I could quickly identify

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a pattern that I didn't know went back

as far as it did, which helped me to,

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because I have a SAG moon, so sags are.

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And a moon's how you deal with emotion.

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And so for me, there's the educational

piece of when I see something differently,

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I automatically will change the behavior

because I understand it differently.

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Like I can catch it, I can see it, I'm

conscious, I'm aware I'm making choices

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in the moment and I can't unsee it.

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So for me.

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Just doing the COR exercise

and imago therapy was enough

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for a life changing moment.

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Whereas over the years when

I've used it at my workshops or

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with my clients, it's a 50 50.

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Some people go, oh my God.

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And then they have this big like

emotional breakthrough and some people

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go, okay, and then nothing changes.

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And so for years I've been working

with this to, in different groups in

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order to peel back and to understand.

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Again, people's moons and how

they handle deal with emotions.

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So you're

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Speaker: speaking over my head there.

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I don't know anything about that.

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Speaker 2: About what?

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Speaker: About people's moons and

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Speaker 2: right in, in astrology, you

know, you are like a, a recipe, and in the

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recipe there's many different ingredients.

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So you know that there are thousands

of recipes for chocolate cake, but

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it's all chocolate cake, right?

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So you are a person who, and it

doesn't matter what your sun sign

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is or not, there's still a recipe

of all these different planets.

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That make up your sort of energetic

blueprint of why you're here, what

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lessons you're here to learn, how

you deal with emotion, how you deal

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with communication, how you are in

love, how you are with sex, how you

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are, like, what you're growing into.

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And that's sort of your, that's your

chart, that's your astrology chart.

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And, and I actually, way

back when started my podcast.

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Wanting to talk about that on one

of my different days of the week,

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which is where fit to love then

becomes spirit, purpose and energy.

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And I get to talk about anything

spiritual, but to me there's a lot

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of behavioral clues in astrology.

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It's how I energetically function.

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And for me, again, awareness education.

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Is enough for me to make a change.

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However, for other people, it's

not, you can know something and

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not do anything differently.

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Mm-hmm.

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And I'll tell you some of those, I mean,

there's a lot of different planets.

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I'll tell you that earth sign moons,

like anyone with a, with a moon

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sign is an Earth planet, which would

be Virgo, Taurus, or Capricorn.

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You may have a little bit harder

time, uh, because that's a

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very stable, solid, repetitive.

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Um, you know, like you, you want proof.

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You want it to be in real, in real world.

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It's not theory.

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You need to see it.

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They like structure, they like

stability, repetitive things.

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So anyway, knowing all of this and

going into how, you know, I, I can't

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assume everyone's gonna react like me.

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So I do the exercise and I wait to

see, and I even had a certification.

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I did two years of the certification.

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And even within the certification,

some people life changing.

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Like, oh my God, here are my wounds.

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Here's how I heal them.

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And then other people, I realized like

they'd been in therapy or in 12 step

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programs for decades and they knew

some of the stuff, but so it didn't,

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it didn't change anything from them.

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Their behavior didn't change.

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And so throughout the years, I've

created something called a core

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wound map, which we started in the

road roadmap to emotional healing.

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Mm-hmm.

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But I have since.

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Deepened because I, you know, every

new group of people, I learned more

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things, I asked different questions.

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I had different people who

didn't process the same way as

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I did or the group did before.

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So it's been a really fun

process of not rushing.

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The creation of this core wound map

that's an extension of Imago therapy

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and the core wound exercise, and I've

got Harville and Helen's blessing.

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They wrote the forward to the book.

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I finished the book this year and I

have an agent shopping it right now.

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So hopefully it'll be published in 2026.

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But it, and I, in terms of the

title, there's several titles that

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we're, we're working with, so I

couldn't even tell you what it is.

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Right.

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It might be, it might

be the Three Beliefs.

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It might be allowing more, it

might be the core wound map.

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I don't know.

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It depends on what

someone thinks I can sell.

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So at this point, 'cause it's

really not about the title for

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me, it's about what's inside.

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Right.

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And doing the process.

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So you know, your core wounds.

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Lemme just back up a second.

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For anyone that hasn't heard me before

on this podcast, I think this is my

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second or third time on the show.

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Speaker: I think it's a third.

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Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And you know, you're What?

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I like my message to people.

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And some people think they get it

and some people don't really get it.

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So it's interesting for me to like,

okay, your core wounds are beliefs.

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They're beliefs that your subconscious

has as the foundation of how you see

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the world and yourself in the world.

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Most people do not know what their

core wounds are because when you go to

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therapy or coaching, you deal with the

situation at hand in the red hot moment.

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So you could be in therapy forever

and be manifesting the same situation

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over and over again and talking about

your feelings and what happened to you

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over and over again and not getting

any results or relief because you

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haven't really looked at why you're

in the situation in the first place.

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Speaker: Right?

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Speaker 2: Why do you look at the world?

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The way that you do well, how do you look

at yourself in the world the way you do?

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And then how do we, it's

a three step process.

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How do we rewire, yes, those core

wound patterns, but you have to

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start with knowing what they are.

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What are your beliefs?

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And it's not, so it's literally like

if someone would, it's as, it's as

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simple as if you're a Christian or

if you're a Buddhist, or if you are

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like, those are your spiritual beliefs.

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Well, this is your beliefs about

the world and yourself in the world.

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So I think it's kind of

important to understand them.

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And if people can't rattle

off at least the top three.

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Then there's some work to be done

about uncovering what you are in.

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It's like having a different

colored glasses on.

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Like if I have an abandonment wound,

I'm wearing red glasses, and everywhere

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I look things are colored red.

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And if I have a, I was smothered, uh, in

my childhood and I have a smothered wound.

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Maybe I'm wearing green glasses and

everyone has a different pair of

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glasses, and so everyone's looking at

something differently that make sense.

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Speaker: It, it makes total sense to me.

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And then I think.

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I mean, just like everything.

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I mean, just like I started this

journey and I learned to become

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aware of my feelings, right?

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So just like that, that is the first step.

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Okay, so let's go, you know?

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So then I look back at, at those early

beliefs and then the thing that was

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a little tricky was rewiring them.

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Like changing them, like

even though, you know.

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Something isn't true that you

believe it's really hard to change.

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Speaker 2: Well, I had you,

you took the course before I

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could tell you how to do it.

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So what I'm saying is I have developed

a new, like I've kept developing.

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I kept going deeper with it because

I'm the person who saw the pattern

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and changed it because, I mean, not

in every aspect, but in my current,

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in the situation that I was in, I can

now recognize it and pivot faster.

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I do the things I need to do to create

a different belief, but I broke it

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down into sort of three steps and

added some really important things.

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And here's the most important thing

at the end of it, is that, you

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know, as a personal trainer, people

understood when they hired me.

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That I'm going to push you past your

comfort zone so that you can get more

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results in your whatever weight loss,

flexibility, uh, strength building muscle.

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They understood that.

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Everyone understands that.

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When it comes to rewiring cor

patterns, you also have to push

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outside of your comfort zone.

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Mm-hmm.

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And I'm telling you, most people are

not gonna sign up to be uncomfortable.

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They're not gonna say, yes, let

me make myself uncomfortable.

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Like, that's not how we're built,

which is why I'm now a personal trainer

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of rewiring cor patterns, because I

wanna push you beyond into new neural

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pathways that you are not gonna choose.

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Love that you're just not,

most of us don't do that.

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I mean, I work out at the gym.

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I mean, I was there this morning.

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I don't push myself as much as

I would if I had somebody Right.

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Watching me or helping to coach

me or being accountable for that.

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So while there are things we all can do

to rewire colon patterns, for sure, and

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again, in the three steps of the map.

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Uh, the first two, the first two

sections, if you will, are things that

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you can start to do for yourself 100%.

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And then you move to,

well, what's the stretch?

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Like?

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What's the stretch piece?

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And the stretch piece is, to give

you an example, one of my clients,

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a couple years ago in my mastermind,

she was doing her very first summit.

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When we did the summit, she needed to

record a video to be like, Hey, here,

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here's who I am and here's what my

summit's about and I hope you join me.

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And it pained her so much.

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She cried four days now.

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Now, as someone who's on video all

the time, you may be thinking like.

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What's the big deal?

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You needed to record a video,

but this was her first time.

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Speaker: Mm-hmm.

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It

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Speaker 2: was her first time and all

of this stuff came up and she cried and

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she cried and she got frustrated and

she tried and she just was so for like

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a, it's for like a ten second video

and when, and so when you're done with

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it, when she finally did it the next

year, when she did it was a lot easier.

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And I said something to her

like, well, maybe you wanna.

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Do you wanna make videos?

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Maybe you wanna post.

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She goes, oh, I'll make videos.

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It's easier.

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And she never would've said that

had she not stretched herself

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in making that very first video.

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And the brain had to rewire itself and

say, like, I tell the story with my cats.

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Um, I, my partner and I now engaged.

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This happens since I saw

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Speaker: Yay.

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Congrats.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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He, he and I rented an RV a

couple years ago and took two

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of my, at the time, five cats.

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I now have four, but two of my older

girls, because I wanna get them

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away from the little one who was.

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A, a devil cat.

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I love her.

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She, she's been, unfortunately

she has transitioned.

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Um, she wasn't quite sure of how to be a

cat in this lifetime, but she'll be back.

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So I took the older two with us

on this RV trip, which was me,

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for me, was really, really fun.

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And the cats get in the RV and

we've packed all the stuff.

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They're very curious.

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They're looking around,

they're smelling everything.

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We close the door.

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He turns on the engine.

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He starts to drive away, and they

dive headfirst into the bed, put

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their little heads in the corner

and are, they're paralyzed.

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They're so afraid because they

went into fight or flight 'cause

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they had no idea what was going on.

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Their brains registered, I'm going to die.

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I don't know what's happening,

but I'm going to die.

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Now when we stopped the RV and

then for lunch and got out and

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bought some lunch, they, they,

their body melted a little bit.

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The freeze turned into a melt and

then they came out and they sort of

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stretched and started to walk around

again and turned the engine back

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on, boom, back into freeze mode.

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And this happened every day

except it got better and better.

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And by the fifth day, they were sitting

on my lap while we were driving.

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That's neuroplasticity.

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Mm-hmm.

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The brain literally will register

even for what you consider is what you

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consider quote unquote is the silliest,

stupidest, most insignificant thing.

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Your brain goes into fight or flight.

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Your nervous system decides you're going

to use your reptilian brain to survive.

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Right.

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Now, again, it's not logical.

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It's a hundred percent emotional.

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That's what I mean, like

the video for this client.

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She even knew.

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She's like, oh my God.

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She was embarrassed because she

thought, I'm literally, I'm sobbing.

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It's a tense, like, what's the big deal?

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But the brain goes, this is unsafe,

this is unsafe, this is unsafe.

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And so you have to override that.

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But with caution, with care, with

planning, you override it in a way

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that you know is going to possibly

send you into a, a, a fight or

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flight nervous system response.

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But you know, logically

that it's not going to.

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And once you get there, the

brain goes, oh, I didn't die.

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Oh, okay.

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This is okay.

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Speaker: Jj.

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It's so funny because as you're

talking through this and I'm

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thinking I can't help it.

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I like think about how this is affecting

me and I think, I feel like I can

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do maybe the bigger things, like I

can jump in and go to law school.

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I can do a, you know, I can do

lots of different things, but

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it's like those, it's like the.

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Death by a thousand little knife cuts.

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It's that it's that stupid, um,

people pleasing that is spinning out

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in my fricking brain all the time,

and I'm becoming more aware of it.

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I've got this new practice where

I'm like, I'm surrendering it.

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: 00:14:24

Like as I, as I feel it, I kind

of try to surrender it, but it is.

313

: 00:14:29

So ingrained in me, and

it's not like a big thing.

314

: 00:14:32

It's like a little thing.

315

: 00:14:33

It's like little stupid things

like, I don't know, like.

316

: 00:14:37

Like, I went to, I went to yoga today

in between, uh, podcast episodes and

317

: 00:14:42

I'm trying to like wipe the lipstick

off and I think I gotta go in and tell

318

: 00:14:45

everyone, oh, the reason my lipstick,

you know, it's like I have to explain.

319

: 00:14:49

It's like, who the, who

the heck really cares?

320

: 00:14:51

No one.

321

: 00:14:52

And I don't need to explain it.

322

: 00:14:54

I just need, just need to go do my thing.

323

: 00:14:57

Um, but that's my thing.

324

: 00:14:58

My thing are these tiny

little things I can do.

325

: 00:15:01

The big, I can be like, I kind of like

go for that uncomfortable a little bit.

326

: 00:15:06

There's a little bit of a strange thing

about that, but it's the little things.

327

: 00:15:10

Does that make sense to you or am I weird?

328

: 00:15:12

Speaker 2: What I'm hearing

is the big things for other

329

: 00:15:14

people are manageable for you.

330

: 00:15:16

The little things you think for other

people are actually big things for you.

331

: 00:15:19

Speaker: Yes.

332

: 00:15:20

Speaker 2: Like going into the yoga class

with fully face of makeup and lipstick.

333

: 00:15:26

Not even flinching and having to

defend yourself or justify why you

334

: 00:15:30

look like that, that even though

for you, you think you're judging

335

: 00:15:32

it as little, but for you it's big.

336

: 00:15:34

Speaker: Yeah.

337

: 00:15:34

Speaker 2: For, for whatever reason.

338

: 00:15:35

Do you know your, can you gimme

your top three core wounds?

339

: 00:15:38

Speaker: Oh gosh.

340

: 00:15:39

Don't question me.

341

: 00:15:39

It's been

342

: 00:15:40

Speaker 2: okay.

343

: 00:15:40

Can gimme one?

344

: 00:15:41

Can you

345

: 00:15:41

Speaker: gimme one?

346

: 00:15:42

Oh, abandonment.

347

: 00:15:42

Okay.

348

: 00:15:43

Speaker 2: Okay.

349

: 00:15:44

All right.

350

: 00:15:45

So abandonment shows up for people

and all, and this is one of the

351

: 00:15:48

parts of the, the map that's new

Since you took the course and act

352

: 00:15:53

and act, I still use the course.

353

: 00:15:54

I use the course within my rewire program,

354

: 00:15:57

Speaker: and then just let me ask, can

I go back in and do I get, do I have to

355

: 00:16:01

purchase the new course or if I go back

356

: 00:16:03

Speaker 2: in, there is no the, the new.

357

: 00:16:04

It's, it's a, it's content

within the nine, six, or

358

: 00:16:09

nine month program that I do.

359

: 00:16:11

It's the same thing that you

already have, but there is more

360

: 00:16:14

content, and then there's the

accountability, the stretching, the

361

: 00:16:17

plan, the planning, the coaching,

everything else that goes in there.

362

: 00:16:20

Um, so you can have access to that.

363

: 00:16:22

You can watch as many

times as you want to.

364

: 00:16:23

The course has not changed in the

future, I might record another one.

365

: 00:16:27

Speaker: Mm-hmm.

366

: 00:16:27

Speaker 2: Because I would like to

update it with the, the new things.

367

: 00:16:30

But we're, we're not there yet.

368

: 00:16:31

Uh, so let's go into abandonment though.

369

: 00:16:33

So, one of the parts of the map,

because again, when I, I saw that

370

: 00:16:38

one of my wounds was being devalued,

and that's one of my top core wounds.

371

: 00:16:41

And when I saw what I did to get

value, that behavior, I, I just

372

: 00:16:46

justified it in my last marriage and

said, oh no, no, this is situational.

373

: 00:16:50

This is because of blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah.

374

: 00:16:52

And then, and he'd say to me, you

know what you're doing isn't working?

375

: 00:16:54

I said, oh, yeah, I totally

know it's not working.

376

: 00:16:56

I don't know why I can't stop.

377

: 00:16:58

And then when I saw the pattern that

dated back to my parents, I was like, oh.

378

: 00:17:02

Mm-hmm.

379

: 00:17:02

And then I stopped doing it.

380

: 00:17:03

There was something about the awareness

that made an instant shift in me.

381

: 00:17:07

Now when it comes to abandonment or

whatever your wounds are, so anyone can

382

: 00:17:10

do this, who's listening or watching

this, if you can identify with a wound

383

: 00:17:14

that you think you have, and there are

many, um, and some of them won't be

384

: 00:17:17

accurate until you do the exercise, right?

385

: 00:17:18

'cause sometimes you think they're one

thing, but they end up being something

386

: 00:17:21

else.

387

: 00:17:21

Speaker: Can you name like the top three?

388

: 00:17:23

Speaker 2: Uh, ignored,

devalued, abandoned, uh, uh,

389

: 00:17:29

invisible, smothered, controlled.

390

: 00:17:34

Speaker: I think mine was ignored too.

391

: 00:17:38

Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm gonna work

with abandonment because I think

392

: 00:17:41

that one feels very cross the board.

393

: 00:17:43

Uh, okay.

394

: 00:17:44

Someone can identify abandonment

when you have an abandonment wound.

395

: 00:17:48

So what's the belief?

396

: 00:17:49

The belief behind I was abandoned is, I'm

not important, I'm not valuable enough.

397

: 00:17:55

Uh, people leave me.

398

: 00:17:57

Relationships aren't safe.

399

: 00:17:58

That's the way that you look at the world.

400

: 00:18:00

So in order to, and again, this is

part of, this is like the second part

401

: 00:18:04

of the map, but we have to turn that

around because if it was just something

402

: 00:18:07

that happened one time and you did the

forgiveness work and you're like, okay,

403

: 00:18:10

cool, I can forgive what happened to me.

404

: 00:18:12

That doesn't change your.

405

: 00:18:15

Response to you.

406

: 00:18:16

Because here's the thing, there's

an event that happened, or several

407

: 00:18:19

events that created the wound.

408

: 00:18:21

Mm-hmm.

409

: 00:18:22

And then there's the belief that

gets embedded and anchored over

410

: 00:18:26

and over again when you believe

it and you act from that place.

411

: 00:18:30

So what, so the questions would be,

what three ways do you abandon yourself?

412

: 00:18:36

Speaker: Yeah.

413

: 00:18:40

Speaker 2: So if we look at the,

the wounds of abandoned, how does,

414

: 00:18:44

and, and it could be anywhere from

self-care to overexplaining and

415

: 00:18:48

people pleasing, it could be, right.

416

: 00:18:50

So how do I aba I'm doing for

others before you do for yourself.

417

: 00:18:53

Mm-hmm.

418

: 00:18:53

Not speaking up because you don't

want to cause a problem or you

419

: 00:18:56

don't want someone to get upset.

420

: 00:18:57

Like, those are all parts

of how you abandon yourself.

421

: 00:18:59

'cause you're not necessarily

speaking your truth.

422

: 00:19:01

Now, it doesn't mean that if you're in

a situation and you wanna say something

423

: 00:19:04

that you can't do it in a way that.

424

: 00:19:06

That is a win-win for everybody.

425

: 00:19:08

That's what the whole feelings and

needs list is about, is being able to

426

: 00:19:11

come from the place of, I have this

feeling, 'cause I have this need and

427

: 00:19:15

here's what I'd like to have happen.

428

: 00:19:17

But it's not about you changing or

you doing something different for

429

: 00:19:20

me, person I'm talking to, which is

acknowledging, Hey, I need some help.

430

: 00:19:23

I have this, I need this.

431

: 00:19:24

How can we do this where

both of our needs get met?

432

: 00:19:27

Speaker: Mm-hmm.

433

: 00:19:28

Speaker 2: So, so abandonment

can look like, yeah, not.

434

: 00:19:32

Sticking up for yourself, not

speaking your truth, not taking care

435

: 00:19:36

of yourself, putting others first.

436

: 00:19:38

Speaker: Yeah, the people pleasing.

437

: 00:19:39

Putting others first really rings.

438

: 00:19:41

Rings true.

439

: 00:19:42

Which is interesting because

I still deal with it.

440

: 00:19:45

I'm still dealing with that.

441

: 00:19:47

The thing where I felt like

I had redemption after the

442

: 00:19:49

forgiveness was really kind of fun.

443

: 00:19:51

Like I have never like.

444

: 00:19:54

Um, really sang in front of people since

I was very young because I'm so afraid.

445

: 00:19:59

And my, my baby was upstairs

with a microphone singing and I

446

: 00:20:03

didn't have any wine or anything.

447

: 00:20:05

And I went up there and I sang loud and

I, and it was probably the day after I had

448

: 00:20:10

done the forgiveness work and it was like.

449

: 00:20:13

Wow, that feels really good.

450

: 00:20:15

'cause I've never done that.

451

: 00:20:16

So I love that.

452

: 00:20:18

Nice.

453

: 00:20:18

And yet I'm still carrying around

the wanting to please everyone.

454

: 00:20:22

And then I get so mad at myself.

455

: 00:20:25

Then there's like all this, like, I'm

not really doing anything outta love

456

: 00:20:28

because you're like mad about it.

457

: 00:20:30

So I'm becoming aware of

that, which is helping.

458

: 00:20:33

Speaker 2: Well I think it, it, it's

that moment to moment decision making.

459

: 00:20:37

See, like two years ago

the group I worked with.

460

: 00:20:40

Really helped because there had

a lot of air signs in there.

461

: 00:20:42

And they, they, I understood that it was

about the moment to moment decision making

462

: 00:20:47

that we, how we assess and look at things.

463

: 00:20:50

And so for when you're, you know, when

you're feeling the impulse to people,

464

: 00:20:54

please, uh, what your brain is telling

you is that it's unsafe to mm-hmm.

465

: 00:20:59

Piss off this person

because they will leave you.

466

: 00:21:02

So part of the healing of

abandonment means choosing you.

467

: 00:21:06

So how can you choose you?

468

: 00:21:09

More than choosing others.

469

: 00:21:11

How can you put into play?

470

: 00:21:12

And, and so there's the, there's,

and there's two parts to this.

471

: 00:21:15

There's the reaction that happens in,

in a moment, like when the trigger

472

: 00:21:18

happens and you're in the trigger

moment and you have your circuit, that's

473

: 00:21:22

your, that's the, the, the wounded

triggered the feeling you get, then the

474

: 00:21:26

action you take, that's the circuit.

475

: 00:21:28

And once you're aware that it's

happening and you get to the, the

476

: 00:21:31

reaction piece sometimes, and, and

through time you can absolutely

477

: 00:21:34

catch it and then do the opposite.

478

: 00:21:37

But you're already in reaction mode.

479

: 00:21:38

So that's one piece.

480

: 00:21:40

Well, what ha, what about proactively?

481

: 00:21:42

What could you proactively do to

choose you to put you first, to

482

: 00:21:47

consider you before considering others?

483

: 00:21:50

And that's what you go back and look

at habits and patterns that you have.

484

: 00:21:55

And say, what could I do actively?

485

: 00:21:56

And it doesn't have to be in reaction.

486

: 00:21:58

I want you to actively do something

that sends a message out energetically,

487

: 00:22:03

that you are choosing you, that you love

you, that you accept you, that you feel

488

: 00:22:09

safe, that you are safe, that you are

loved, because otherwise, the belief of

489

: 00:22:13

abandonment is about clinging to everybody

else to show you that you're loved.

490

: 00:22:17

Yeah, it's looking for love outside

of yourself versus inside yourself.

491

: 00:22:20

Speaker: Yep, that is right.

492

: 00:22:22

Hit it on the nose and I have to say.

493

: 00:22:25

So interesting you said choosing you.

494

: 00:22:28

This has been the oddest day.

495

: 00:22:30

I told you like I had a no show on the

podcast, but I recorded another one and

496

: 00:22:37

I have never heard choose you before.

497

: 00:22:39

I heard boundaries.

498

: 00:22:40

I heard the, the gal I

talked to prior to you.

499

: 00:22:43

I asked her, what's one thing that

you can do, you know at the end of

500

: 00:22:47

the podcast to truly love yourself?

501

: 00:22:51

She said, choose you.

502

: 00:22:52

And I was like, oh.

503

: 00:22:53

So that's twice I've heard it today.

504

: 00:22:55

I wonder if it's gonna come back again.

505

: 00:22:58

Speaker 2: I think twice is enough.

506

: 00:22:59

I think twice is enough in the same day.

507

: 00:23:00

I think that's a clear enough message.

508

: 00:23:03

Lisa, take it.

509

: 00:23:04

And then, and so then here's

what comes your homework.

510

: 00:23:06

How can, how can I,

511

: 00:23:08

Speaker: yeah.

512

: 00:23:08

Speaker 2: Choose me more and daily, how?

513

: 00:23:11

What could I do daily?

514

: 00:23:13

And then what's one big thing

I can do and what's one little

515

: 00:23:15

thing I can do daily that.

516

: 00:23:17

Or one big thing weekly that chooses me.

517

: 00:23:21

Mm-hmm.

518

: 00:23:21

What does that mean to you?

519

: 00:23:22

Speaker: Mm-hmm.

520

: 00:23:24

Yeah.

521

: 00:23:24

Speaker 2: And that's, and that's,

that's what you have to put together.

522

: 00:23:25

So that's your action plan.

523

: 00:23:27

Because once you do it and you're

afraid of it and it makes you

524

: 00:23:29

wanna throw up and you, you know,

you nervous or whatever, yeah.

525

: 00:23:32

Once you do it once or twice and the brain

goes, oh, this is safe and it's okay.

526

: 00:23:36

But until you do it, you can't

expect anyone else to do it for you.

527

: 00:23:40

That the, the wound of

abandonment does not get healed

528

: 00:23:42

by anybody else other than you.

529

: 00:23:44

I mean, maybe you were

530

: 00:23:46

Speaker: Yeah.

531

: 00:23:46

Does

532

: 00:23:47

Speaker 2: anything, uh, yes.

533

: 00:23:48

I, in relationship, I will say that

the Imago therapy, which is Harville

534

: 00:23:52

and Helen's, uh, therapy, relationship

therapy, they come at the, you know,

535

: 00:23:58

your relationship and relationships.

536

: 00:24:00

It could be just, you know,

mother, daughter, uh, parent,

537

: 00:24:05

spouse, whatever, relationships.

538

: 00:24:09

The place where these things

get reflected back to us.

539

: 00:24:11

So in relationship, there are things you

can heal that you can't heal by yourself.

540

: 00:24:16

Speaker: Ah, ah.

541

: 00:24:18

' Speaker 2: cause because you're

not, you're not being mirrored.

542

: 00:24:20

It's one thing when you're never

triggered, like you can do all

543

: 00:24:23

your right, but it's when someone

else comes in and reflects back

544

: 00:24:26

to you what's going on with you.

545

: 00:24:27

And now you have to be

different in the same situation.

546

: 00:24:29

So relationships.

547

: 00:24:30

But there, what I.

548

: 00:24:32

Didn't necessarily agree with, is

that ev, like that you have to be in a

549

: 00:24:35

relationship to heal things you don't?

550

: 00:24:37

Speaker: No.

551

: 00:24:37

Speaker 2: Um, I think they're equally

important that a person individually needs

552

: 00:24:41

to take responsibility for their healing.

553

: 00:24:43

And then as a, as a relationship, there

are tools and things that I provide

554

: 00:24:48

that other people provide, that here's

how to help heal within relationship.

555

: 00:24:53

Right.

556

: 00:24:53

Speaker: That, that's so key

because as you're talking, I think

557

: 00:24:56

about this people pleasing thing.

558

: 00:24:58

Yeah.

559

: 00:24:58

It happens every day.

560

: 00:25:00

It's not as important to me with

the people at the yoga studio

561

: 00:25:03

as it is, like with my kids.

562

: 00:25:05

So hard for me to say no to a kid.

563

: 00:25:09

I almost can't.

564

: 00:25:10

And it's been a problem.

565

: 00:25:12

Um, you know, like even with like,

if they need something, if they need

566

: 00:25:16

money, I would, you know, tear off my

arm and give it to them kind of thing.

567

: 00:25:21

Um.

568

: 00:25:22

It's interesting and

it's so uncomfortable.

569

: 00:25:25

It is worse for me to say no to a

child than to be forced up on a stage,

570

: 00:25:30

which I don't really like either.

571

: 00:25:33

You know?

572

: 00:25:33

It's just, it's, isn't that interesting?

573

: 00:25:35

Because I, I'm afraid, I feel

like they love me because of what

574

: 00:25:39

I've given them and what I've done

for them, and I've done a lot.

575

: 00:25:45

Speaker 2: Yeah.

576

: 00:25:46

It, it becomes about loving

and accepting yourself.

577

: 00:25:52

Without performing for love.

578

: 00:25:53

Speaker: Mm-hmm.

579

: 00:25:54

I'm still learning how to

do that, jj, I need help.

580

: 00:25:58

Speaker 2: Well, here's the thing.

581

: 00:25:59

We're all gonna, we're all

gonna be learning these lessons.

582

: 00:26:02

Yeah.

583

: 00:26:03

It just gets easier and it gets better,

and you get to go to the next level.

584

: 00:26:06

There's a certain amount of allowing that

we, so let's talk about manifestation

585

: 00:26:10

for a second and how this, how this

kind of bridges this gap for me.

586

: 00:26:13

You as a person.

587

: 00:26:16

Everyone.

588

: 00:26:16

You have a sort of temperature gauge,

and that temperature gauge is how

589

: 00:26:19

much love, love, joy, and abundance

I allow in how much do I deserve?

590

: 00:26:25

And the deservedness is absolutely

100% linked to your core wounds.

591

: 00:26:29

Mm-hmm.

592

: 00:26:29

All right.

593

: 00:26:29

So they go hand in hand.

594

: 00:26:31

So your core wounds link

to this temperature gauge.

595

: 00:26:33

It says, I am only worth

yes allowing in this much.

596

: 00:26:37

So when your temperature gauge goes up,

because you start to heal these wounds.

597

: 00:26:41

So does your ability to receive more.

598

: 00:26:43

That still doesn't mean though, that

when you, after you get to like the

599

: 00:26:45

next level of like, this is amazing

that you're not gonna like come

600

: 00:26:48

crashing into the next level because.

601

: 00:26:51

We don't learn when we're not challenged.

602

: 00:26:53

We, you know, we, we learn when we're

forced to learn, we're we learn, when

603

: 00:26:57

we manifest something that pushes our

back up against the wall that's so

604

: 00:27:00

uncomfortable that we're forced to learn.

605

: 00:27:02

And that's, and I'm with the core wound

stuff and the rewiring stuff, that's

606

: 00:27:06

me saying here, don't let life get

so bad that you have to learn this.

607

: 00:27:09

And it's super painful.

608

: 00:27:11

Like, let's learn it now in a,

in a more controlled situation.

609

: 00:27:14

Speaker: Yeah.

610

: 00:27:15

Speaker 2: So that you are better skilled

and have better tools so that in case life

611

: 00:27:19

really pushes you up against the wall,

that you can handle it and you understand

612

: 00:27:22

what it is and what to do about it.

613

: 00:27:23

And you don't just make this

sweeping assumption that goes

614

: 00:27:26

back into your core wound patterns

and says, oh, I'm worthless.

615

: 00:27:28

Look at this.

616

: 00:27:29

Nothing ever works out for me.

617

: 00:27:30

And you just start to go down the,

um, the rabbit hole of all the wounds.

618

: 00:27:34

'cause if you can't identify them,

then you never can get over them.

619

: 00:27:37

Right.

620

: 00:27:37

You can't heal them if you can't see them.

621

: 00:27:38

Speaker: Amen.

622

: 00:27:39

I, yeah, exactly.

623

: 00:27:40

That's, that's so, so true.

624

: 00:27:42

And I'm so thankful that.

625

: 00:27:44

I, I hit a hard wall, you know, a

couple years ago and I, before that

626

: 00:27:48

I was doing a little bit of work.

627

: 00:27:50

You know, I was becoming aware.

628

: 00:27:52

I was looking at my mindset.

629

: 00:27:53

Um, definitely not enough.

630

: 00:27:56

And so that's where like, I feel like

now I just want to help women feel

631

: 00:28:01

better and, and be prepared because

there are gonna be things that happen.

632

: 00:28:05

But it's so interesting, jj, because

how I handle something today is.

633

: 00:28:11

Very, very different than how I

handled the same news six years ago.

634

: 00:28:17

And I have a, you know, yeah.

635

: 00:28:18

It, it's amazing.

636

: 00:28:20

Amazing.

637

: 00:28:20

In a good way.

638

: 00:28:21

Doesn't mean that crap

doesn't still happen.

639

: 00:28:24

Speaker 2: Right.

640

: 00:28:25

Speaker: You know, but I am able to

handle it better and I, and I feel like

641

: 00:28:28

I'm gonna learn till I die, don't we?

642

: 00:28:30

Speaker 2: Uh, if you're conscious.

643

: 00:28:32

Yeah.

644

: 00:28:33

I mean it, and, and I, I

say that I love my parents.

645

: 00:28:38

They were just here.

646

: 00:28:38

It was great to have them here.

647

: 00:28:39

My parents are not conscious.

648

: 00:28:41

They're not learning lessons.

649

: 00:28:42

They are repeating the same

thing over and over again, but

650

: 00:28:44

they're not that unhappy about it.

651

: 00:28:45

Like they're pretty simple people.

652

: 00:28:47

Like they're not trying

to reach for anything.

653

: 00:28:49

Speaker: Yeah,

654

: 00:28:50

Speaker 2: right.

655

: 00:28:50

They, they, there's a certain level of.

656

: 00:28:53

Contentment that they

have with their lives.

657

: 00:28:56

And there's, there's no

yearning for something.

658

: 00:28:59

You know, we work with people who feel

like, God, there's so much possibility

659

: 00:29:03

about things that I wanna create, or

ways I wanna feel, or ways I wanna be.

660

: 00:29:07

And we understand that that takes a

awareness and then has to be paired

661

: 00:29:12

with doing something about it.

662

: 00:29:14

And they just don't have it.

663

: 00:29:15

Like, they just think

things are the way they are.

664

: 00:29:18

And that there's nothing

they can do about it.

665

: 00:29:19

Like my, my grandmother passed

away a couple years ago and my mom

666

: 00:29:22

made a comment, 'cause I actually

interviewed my parents on my podcast.

667

: 00:29:24

And, and it went, it was the week

of, uh, the new year of New Year's.

668

: 00:29:28

And my mother made a comment about like

the, you know, my grandmother's situation

669

: 00:29:32

like that, it couldn't have been changed.

670

: 00:29:34

And I'm sitting here thinking, oh yes, it

could have, my MO grandmother had a mouth.

671

: 00:29:37

Full of metal, of amalgams and mercury.

672

: 00:29:41

Yeah.

673

: 00:29:41

Which I'm 100% sure caused her dementia

and Alzheimer's and the cognitive decline.

674

: 00:29:46

Right.

675

: 00:29:46

And not, not mentioned anyway,

so, but my mother comes to the

676

: 00:29:49

viewpoint of, oh, well the doctor

said that this is what just happened.

677

: 00:29:51

I'm like, no, it didn't just happen.

678

: 00:29:53

Like there were factors, but

because she's not researching

679

: 00:29:56

or curious or wanting to learn.

680

: 00:29:59

To her, this is what it is.

681

: 00:30:00

And so, you know, it does take a

specific kind of person, an older

682

: 00:30:03

soul, really an older soul who came

on the planet to help really make

683

: 00:30:08

change for themselves and others.

684

: 00:30:10

And uh, so it's not for everybody.

685

: 00:30:12

Speaker: That's so interesting

because my husband just giggles

686

: 00:30:15

at me, and my dad's a lot like me.

687

: 00:30:18

I mean, my dad's 84 and he's

always doing something new.

688

: 00:30:21

He's really good at computers

and he's like, now he's reading.

689

: 00:30:25

He'd started acting.

690

: 00:30:27

I mean, he's just like, so cute,

which I love, but my husband's

691

: 00:30:31

like, I can't keep up with you.

692

: 00:30:32

And I'm like, well, I love this.

693

: 00:30:33

And like the, I want to, I

want this podcast to help

694

: 00:30:36

women and my hub's like honey.

695

: 00:30:39

You gotta find the women

who wanna learn like you do.

696

: 00:30:43

'cause not everybody does.

697

: 00:30:44

And that, and it's so funny, jj, 'cause

I have darling friends that have taught

698

: 00:30:48

me like how to have a lot of fun in my

life and how to like quit sometimes.

699

: 00:30:52

Just let it go.

700

: 00:30:53

And I love those friends, but

they are so not in to like.

701

: 00:30:57

Learning more and growing

and so, and that's okay.

702

: 00:31:00

Right?

703

: 00:31:00

Yeah.

704

: 00:31:01

So I just, I need to, to

be at peace about that.

705

: 00:31:03

Um, and I'm looking at the time

and it's going so fast that I feel

706

: 00:31:08

like we have to end this and I'm

gonna have to have you back again.

707

: 00:31:11

But I have to ask you before

we go about the horse here.

708

: 00:31:14

'cause I am in my barn and I've got

a horse over there and a donkey, but

709

: 00:31:18

I wanna know about this horse stuff.

710

: 00:31:20

Speaker 2: Yeah.

711

: 00:31:20

Let me, uh, first let me just

address real quick if, if it's okay.

712

: 00:31:23

Yeah.

713

: 00:31:24

Uh, that.

714

: 00:31:25

The thing about what we just talked

about, like you said, you wanna just

715

: 00:31:28

help people, help women, and you wanna

find women that want to be helped.

716

: 00:31:33

I'm also gonna say, and you're

doing it 'cause you're doing

717

: 00:31:35

it through your podcast.

718

: 00:31:36

It's like coal.

719

: 00:31:38

When you, after you have a fire,

if you just, if you leave the

720

: 00:31:41

coals together, they'll stay warm

for a really, really long time.

721

: 00:31:45

But if you take a piece of coal out

of a fire and put it separately,

722

: 00:31:48

it'll cool down really quickly.

723

: 00:31:50

It's really important that

people understand that.

724

: 00:31:53

You want to find or create?

725

: 00:31:57

A tribe of people who are on the

same path or a similar path to you

726

: 00:32:02

and not demand, punish, or shame

other people around you who are not

727

: 00:32:07

interested in what you're interested in,

728

: 00:32:08

Speaker: right?

729

: 00:32:09

Speaker 2: You can have all the things.

730

: 00:32:11

I love my parents and I

accept them for who they are.

731

: 00:32:14

Does it frustrate me?

732

: 00:32:15

Sometimes, of course.

733

: 00:32:16

Do I, you know, get into a position

where sometimes I worry from here?

734

: 00:32:20

Of course, but ultimately it's their

decision and I can't force that.

735

: 00:32:23

Not everyone is interested in everything,

but people are out there searching for,

736

: 00:32:27

and so for you to grow anyone, that's

why I do groups because they work there.

737

: 00:32:31

When I did the empowerment strategy

certification, there was a magic

738

: 00:32:35

that happened in the groups and when

I, after I was done with it for the

739

: 00:32:37

second year and I put it on pause.

740

: 00:32:39

I realize I can't stop

the group situation.

741

: 00:32:41

The group situation's magical.

742

: 00:32:43

It is, people are just get so much more

out of it because of their together.

743

: 00:32:48

They're, they're

experiencing things together.

744

: 00:32:50

They can learn from each other.

745

: 00:32:51

They're examples.

746

: 00:32:52

They're motivated.

747

: 00:32:53

They're connected in a different

way than a coach and a person or

748

: 00:32:55

a trainer or a therapist, and a

person's a whole nother like magic.

749

: 00:32:59

So I just wanna encourage

everyone to find a.

750

: 00:33:02

Find or create a tribe that is

interested in the things that you are.

751

: 00:33:05

And please let your husband, spouse,

kids, parents, children off the hook.

752

: 00:33:10

Yeah.

753

: 00:33:10

They don't have to do what you

do, but you wanna support yourself

754

: 00:33:14

by finding or creating a tribe

that is with you on this path.

755

: 00:33:18

Speaker: Such, such great info.

756

: 00:33:20

Yes.

757

: 00:33:20

Speaker 2: The year of the horse.

758

: 00:33:22

Okay, so snake year, which was

: 2025

759

: 00:33:27

So it's looking at things that no longer

serve you, uh, ways of being, ways that

760

: 00:33:32

you keep showing up in the world that.

761

: 00:33:34

Might be time to let it go.

762

: 00:33:36

Something maybe that you've

repeated many times, but it just

763

: 00:33:38

didn't work the same way last year.

764

: 00:33:40

And I have several of those examples.

765

: 00:33:42

I was like, oh, thank God, you

know, 'cause we're still in the

766

: 00:33:45

shedding until February 17th when

the year of the fire horse kicks in.

767

: 00:33:49

So the fire horse, you know, horses are

about movement and action in galloping

768

: 00:33:53

and, and they're passionate and fire.

769

: 00:33:55

The fire sign is about action.

770

: 00:33:57

So in astrology you've got fire, air,

earth, and water, and each element

771

: 00:34:00

represents a different action.

772

: 00:34:02

So.

773

: 00:34:03

Fire is action.

774

: 00:34:04

Water is emotion, air is

thinking in Thoughts and earth

775

: 00:34:08

is stability and security.

776

: 00:34:09

So it's a fire horse year, which means

that by the 17th of February you wanna be

777

: 00:34:14

pretty clear about who you are supposed

to be, because that's when the energy's

778

: 00:34:19

gonna say, go like run wild and go do

the thing that you're passionate about,

779

: 00:34:24

that you have energy around, that you're

focused on, that you have clarity about.

780

: 00:34:28

And by that point, we

wanna be sort of at that.

781

: 00:34:31

Level of awareness of I can't keep

playing small, or I can't keep repeating

782

: 00:34:35

this pattern, or I like, it's time

to expand into this new way of being.

783

: 00:34:40

So that's what 26, 20 26 will

bring us starting February 17th.

784

: 00:34:45

Speaker: I love that.

785

: 00:34:45

I'm, I'm in.

786

: 00:34:47

That's my kind, that's

my kind of year, honey.

787

: 00:34:49

Speaker 2: My kind year too.

788

: 00:34:50

But I have to tell you, like

when I first read about it in

789

: 00:34:52

2025, I was like, Ugh, running.

790

: 00:34:54

I'm not ready to run.

791

: 00:34:56

I'm tired.

792

: 00:34:58

Speaker: Like think I'm,

I think I'm, yeah, I do.

793

: 00:34:59

I

794

: 00:34:59

Speaker 2: do.

795

: 00:34:59

Oh, I'm getting ready.

796

: 00:35:00

I'm getting ready.

797

: 00:35:02

But I, I, I was like, okay,

thank God this isn't January 1st.

798

: 00:35:04

'cause I'm not feeling it right now.

799

: 00:35:06

I'm still in the identifying and

shedding and pivoting and allowing,

800

: 00:35:10

which is exciting and scary.

801

: 00:35:12

Uh, but yeah, but I'm, I'm getting

closer, so I'm getting ready.

802

: 00:35:15

My, don't worry.

803

: 00:35:16

I'm gonna be, I always run.

804

: 00:35:17

That's the problem that I always run.

805

: 00:35:19

Speaker: Me too.

806

: 00:35:20

Speaker 2: Right?

807

: 00:35:20

So I wanna, I wanna run

differently and it's getting there.

808

: 00:35:23

I can start to see it, start to unfold.

809

: 00:35:25

Speaker: Awesome.

810

: 00:35:26

Okay.

811

: 00:35:26

Jj, if people wanna work with you, what's

the best way that they can do that?

812

: 00:35:31

Speaker 2: So there's a application

page right now that I'll leave up

813

: 00:35:37

because it has the programs on it,

but it's just another portal for

814

: 00:35:40

you to fill out a form and then say

I, it's not that you're signing up

815

: 00:35:44

for any things that are on that page

necessarily, 'cause there's many options.

816

: 00:35:47

Speaker: Yep.

817

: 00:35:47

Speaker 2: JJ fs.com/.

818

: 00:35:49

Apply A-P-P-L-Y-J zas.com/apply,

819

: 00:35:53

and that's a great place to start.

820

: 00:35:54

We hop on a call, there's no

obligation, it's completely free.

821

: 00:35:57

And a zoom call for 15 minutes and

see what you need and what would, and

822

: 00:36:01

I'll make you some recommendations.

823

: 00:36:03

And then if it fit, great.

824

: 00:36:05

If it's not, I also have a ton of podcasts

that I can recommend, yeah, that I

825

: 00:36:08

have that could provide some, you know,

either preliminary information to kind

826

: 00:36:13

of get you more confident or feeling

more connected to me, or maybe it's.

827

: 00:36:18

Something will solve your problem.

828

: 00:36:20

Here's the podcast, but I have,

you know, a lot of content.

829

: 00:36:23

Speaker: Perfect.

830

: 00:36:23

Well, I highly recommend you.

831

: 00:36:25

You have enhanced my life and I'm excited.

832

: 00:36:28

We're gonna chat a little bit more after

this, so I'm excited about that too.

833

: 00:36:31

So, jj, thank you for your time.

834

: 00:36:33

Thank you for being here.

835

: 00:36:34

For my listeners, you're

always a joy to have.

836

: 00:36:37

Speaker 2: Thank you, Lisa.

837

: 00:36:38

Thanks for having me.

838

: 00:36:39

And Happy New Year everybody.

839

: 00:36:40

Happy 2026.

840

: 00:36:40

Speaker: Yes.

841

: 00:36:41

Yes.

842

: 00:36:41

You take care.

843

: 00:36:42

Speaker 2: Thanks.