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Published on:

5th Dec 2023

Decoding Divorce Dynamics: Navigating the Role of a Divorce Therapist vs. Divorce Coach

Are you concerned about how your divorce will impact your children? Or confused about whether you need to hire a divorce coach, mediator, or an attorney? This week I interviewed divorce coach Jill Barnett Kaufman who answers all of these questions! She discusses her own experience going through divorce after years of counseling trying to save her marriage. Jill talks about the impact it had on her children and what their feedback is now that they are adults. You’ll hear a breakdown of the difference between a therapist and a coach and how each can help you with different areas of life. Jill ends the episode talking about how parents can protect their children while going through divorce. Tune in for some great insight from Divorce Coach Jill. 

In this episode:

  • [2:26] Jill shares her story of how she came to be a divorce coach. 
  • [5:40] What did Jill mean by saying that she was hurting her kids by getting divorced?
  • [8:03] What was Jill’s experience working with an attorney and disagreeing with the decisions her attorney recommended?
  • [11:45] What is the difference between a therapist and a coach?
  • [13:41] Lesa shares a story about her experience working with a coach.
  • [15:58] What are things that people can do to protect their kids through a divorce?
  • [20:33] Jill provides advice about what would have helped her while going through her divorce. 

Key Takeaways: 

  • [8:36] There are a lot of good attorneys out there, but there are also a lot of attorneys who don't understand the emotional toll that it takes to fight for things, even if you're entitled to them. You have to weigh all of that when you go through a divorce.
  • [11:56] The difference between a therapist and a coach is that a therapist will look at your past, what trauma you have experienced, what has happened in your childhood to work through those issues. A coach is someone who looks into the current and the future to help create a plan of action for moving forward. They hold you accountable to your goals, and help you work on practical things. 
  • [18:30] One benefit from children going through a divorce is that they learn to be more independent, flexible, and have individual relationships with each parent. It can create a great opportunity to build an amazing bond. 


Quotes: 

“And that is kind of the beauty when I work with clients. I call it designing your own divorce. You get to make the calls. I'm not going to give you any advice, but I want you to understand the law. And then it's up to the two of you to come to a conclusion about what seems fair.” - Lesa Koski

“I always tell people this: divorce is 10 percent legal, 10 percent financial and 80 percent emotional.” - Jill Barnett Kaufman

“We don't step back and really take a look at what we want in our life for the long term, and we let time go by and things don't get done. Divorce is an opportunity to do something that you've never done to change your life in a positive way and take advantage of that opportunity and take advantage of that time and think about what made you happy when you were a kid or when you were a young adult that you weren't able to do for the past years, because you were too busy and get those things into your lives because we have more time than we realize and we have to use that time wisely because it's a gift, and so taking advantage of this opportunity when we can focus on the negatives and really get frustrated, or we can look at it as, this is an opportunity to change our lives and really make it what we want.” - Jill Barnett Kaufman


Guest Bio: 

Jill Barnett Kaufman, LCSW, is a Licensed Therapist, Divorce Coach, Author & Co-parenting Expert. After going through her own difficult divorce, she made it her life’s mission to help others not have it so tough. Her book and course, I’m Getting Divorced, Now What? and her transformative group coaching program help parents navigate the overwhelming process of divorce with less stress, more confidence and a greater sense of peace. She’s recently married and the mother of 3 adult children and 3 adult step children.


Resources: 

Jill Barnett Kaufman’s Website

8 Guidelines for Separated and Divorced Parents

Separation and Divorce Support Community Facebook Page

Jill Barnett Kaufman’s Instagram

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Lesa’s Masterclass


To receive real-time alerts that your child is safe, visit https://www.soberlink.com/partners/different


I am so honored to introduce my FREE Co-Parenting Masterclass. This masterclass shares tools to co-parent well even with a difficult co-parent. You will learn the 5 C's of a Co-Parenting Plan and a free bonus resource with Certified Divorce Lending Specialist, Tami Wollensak, sharing what you want to consider regarding the family home. Sign up to receive a video replay at https://www.lesakoski.com/co-parenting-masterclass

Mentioned in this episode:

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About the Podcast

Doing Divorce Different A Podcast Guide to Doing Divorce Differently
Divorce, co-parenting, menopause, marriage, and starting over after 40—Doing Divorce Different is your guide to a healthy, faith filled life transition.

Hosted by Family Law Attorney and Mediator Lesa Koski, Doing Divorce Different is a candid, empowering podcast designed to take the fear out of divorce and guide you toward peace—whether you’re navigating a split, working to stay married, or rebuilding a better life after a major transition. Each week, Lesa brings heart-centered legal insight, emotional support, and holistic wisdom to help you heal, grow, and thrive.

We cover everything from amicable divorce and co-parenting strategies to parenting plans that actually work and support kids in thriving through change. You’ll learn how to prepare for marriage with prenups, revisit your relationship with post-nuptial agreements, and understand what it really takes to stay married or rekindle love after a rough season. If you're in the midst of a grey divorce, wondering how to not get divorced, or questioning whether love can be found again, this show is for you.

Lesa also explores the emotional and physical changes that often accompany midlife and major life shifts. From navigating the impact of menopause on your health, marriage, and mood, to dealing with the loneliness that can come after divorce or empty nesting, you’ll find honest conversations that don’t shy away from real-life challenges. And for those of you in your 40s, 50s, or beyond, you’ll discover what it means to truly build a better life after 40.

Health and wellness are deeply integrated into this journey. Lesa shares insights on the benefits of rest, joy, nutrition, fasting, protein, and bone health, along with the power of movement, community, and exercise to support mental clarity and physical strength. You’ll learn how to take care of yourself with intention—because healing isn’t just emotional, it’s also biological.

Mindset work and self-coaching are recurring tools offered in episodes to help you reframe your story and shift from fear to freedom. And through it all, the show honors the role of faith, spiritual surrender, and letting God lead you through every season. Whether you're leaning into your relationship with God for the first time or deepening a lifelong practice, you’ll hear how surrender can bring peace even in the hardest moments.

You’ll hear real stories from people who have done divorce differently, saved their marriages, or found new love and purpose on the other side. Lesa also brings in conversations about marriages that have stood the test of time, co-parenting through complex seasons, and the realities of parenting after separation while maintaining stability for your kids.

This is not just a podcast about divorce. Doing Divorce Different is about taking back your life, rewriting your future, and trusting that you’re not starting over, you’re starting better. If you’re craving practical advice, soul-level encouragement, and real conversations about creating a healthy, joyful, purpose-driven life, you’ve found your community.

Subscribe now and join Lesa Koski for weekly episodes that will help you grow stronger in your relationships, your health, and your faith, no matter where you’re starting from.

About the Host:
I’ve spent over 25 years helping families navigate amicable divorce as a lawyer and mediator, always focused on protecting what matters most—your kids and your peace of mind. But my mission has expanded. Today, I support women over 40 not just through endings, but in building stronger relationships—and sometimes even saving their marriages. I’m a breast cancer survivor, a cowgirl at heart, a wellness advocate, and a follower of Jesus. My life and faith fuel my passion for helping women thrive.

About your host

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Lesa Koski