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Published on:

27th Dec 2022

Divorce and Grief the Death of Your Marriage in MN and Beyond

Today, we are joined by marriage and family therapist Brian Burns to discuss grief. Brian starts the conversation by defining grief and the five different stages that someone goes through when experiencing grief. He explains what complicated grief is and how grief ties into getting divorced as it is the death of your marriage. Brian provides excellent tips on noticing the signs of getting stuck in grief and how to cope with complicated feelings. This episode is full of great information and steps on moving forward in your life after the event that causes grief in your life.

In this episode:

[2:27] Brian defines grief and what it can look like. [8:15] Brain talks about his experience dealing with internal struggles after dropping children off at college.[10:35] What is complicated vs. uncomplicated grief? [14:49] Where do people get stuck with grief, and how do they cope with the feelings? [18:20] What does it mean to take care of your life? [22:30] What is the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score? [23:43] What should you look for when finding a therapist?

Key Takeaways:

The five stages of grief are denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance; however, they don't happen linearly. Each person handles the stages of grief in a different order and, at times, goes back to the stages multiple times. Complicated grief is what a person experiences when handling something that shouldn't have happened, such as the death of a child or divorce. It is something you cannot understand that wasn’t supposed to happen. This is different than uncomplicated grief, which is something that was expected to happen, such as someone dying from old age. To move through grief, you must take charge of your life. Understand who you are, what's important to you, who you want to be ten years from now, and who you are as a parent. When you have answers to these questions, you have resilience which helps you handle the situations that come your way.

Quotes:

“When you lose a marriage that was important to you, that never is ok, that's never the way it's supposed to be. But it is what happened. So acceptance means the ability to tolerate or manage or shoulder the new reality and still have a meaningful, happy purpose-driven life.” - Brian Burns

“Divorce is complicated grief because even if you are in the position of choosing it because your seeing the marriage is no longer healthy for you or anyone, there's still the what ifs, there's still that sense of what does this mean about me, could I have prevented this, what could my partner have done, did I choose wrong?” - Brian Burns

“When life kicks you in the ass, that's a chance to take the exit that you choose, to take control in a way that leads you to a life of more meaning, more knowledge, more experience, that is just as happy and fulfilling as the one you lost, or that was taken from you.” - Brian Burns


Resources:

Brian Burns Website

Psychology Today for Therapy

Lesa Koski Website

Lesa’s Online Courses

Mentioned in this episode:

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About the Podcast

Doing Divorce Different A Podcast Guide to Doing Divorce Differently
Divorce, co-parenting, menopause, marriage, and starting over after 40—Doing Divorce Different is your guide to a healthy, faith filled life transition.

Hosted by Family Law Attorney and Mediator Lesa Koski, Doing Divorce Different is a candid, empowering podcast designed to take the fear out of divorce and guide you toward peace—whether you’re navigating a split, working to stay married, or rebuilding a better life after a major transition. Each week, Lesa brings heart-centered legal insight, emotional support, and holistic wisdom to help you heal, grow, and thrive.

We cover everything from amicable divorce and co-parenting strategies to parenting plans that actually work and support kids in thriving through change. You’ll learn how to prepare for marriage with prenups, revisit your relationship with post-nuptial agreements, and understand what it really takes to stay married or rekindle love after a rough season. If you're in the midst of a grey divorce, wondering how to not get divorced, or questioning whether love can be found again, this show is for you.

Lesa also explores the emotional and physical changes that often accompany midlife and major life shifts. From navigating the impact of menopause on your health, marriage, and mood, to dealing with the loneliness that can come after divorce or empty nesting, you’ll find honest conversations that don’t shy away from real-life challenges. And for those of you in your 40s, 50s, or beyond, you’ll discover what it means to truly build a better life after 40.

Health and wellness are deeply integrated into this journey. Lesa shares insights on the benefits of rest, joy, nutrition, fasting, protein, and bone health, along with the power of movement, community, and exercise to support mental clarity and physical strength. You’ll learn how to take care of yourself with intention—because healing isn’t just emotional, it’s also biological.

Mindset work and self-coaching are recurring tools offered in episodes to help you reframe your story and shift from fear to freedom. And through it all, the show honors the role of faith, spiritual surrender, and letting God lead you through every season. Whether you're leaning into your relationship with God for the first time or deepening a lifelong practice, you’ll hear how surrender can bring peace even in the hardest moments.

You’ll hear real stories from people who have done divorce differently, saved their marriages, or found new love and purpose on the other side. Lesa also brings in conversations about marriages that have stood the test of time, co-parenting through complex seasons, and the realities of parenting after separation while maintaining stability for your kids.

This is not just a podcast about divorce. Doing Divorce Different is about taking back your life, rewriting your future, and trusting that you’re not starting over, you’re starting better. If you’re craving practical advice, soul-level encouragement, and real conversations about creating a healthy, joyful, purpose-driven life, you’ve found your community.

Subscribe now and join Lesa Koski for weekly episodes that will help you grow stronger in your relationships, your health, and your faith, no matter where you’re starting from.

About the Host:
I’ve spent over 25 years helping families navigate amicable divorce as a lawyer and mediator, always focused on protecting what matters most—your kids and your peace of mind. But my mission has expanded. Today, I support women over 40 not just through endings, but in building stronger relationships—and sometimes even saving their marriages. I’m a breast cancer survivor, a cowgirl at heart, a wellness advocate, and a follower of Jesus. My life and faith fuel my passion for helping women thrive.

About your host

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Lesa Koski