Forgiveness After 40: How Letting Go Heals Your Heart, Body & Faith

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Welcome friends and listeners.

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I am happy as can be that you're

here and it is the holiday week.

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We've got Christmas coming up this

week and I'm so excited and I know

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there are people that get excited

about it and there's a little sadness

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and they, you know, we think about.

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The loved ones we lost, and I wanna

be here for you this week and I

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wanna talk to you about forgiveness.

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So I'm gonna go all into something

I did to help me forgive that.

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I'm still learning, but it

truly did change my life.

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But before I go there, I was kind

of pushed this morning to, to do a

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little more work on my book and I'm

kind of in that editing stage, which,

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oh, I think it might take forever.

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But, um, the story that I was looking

at and kind of the lesson that I

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learned, it's kind of about the things

we learn through the chaos of life.

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Uh, I was reading a story.

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From my childhood and I thought, oh,

this is so interesting because I was

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always this person that wanted to

tell you how to do something, or my

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friends or my family, like I just

wanted you to know what I learned.

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And I wanted to really

like, share it with you.

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And then, you know, we all know that

can be a little bit annoying, like if

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you are eating a buttercup or a scone

and I start to tell you about sugar and

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carbohydrates and metabolic fitness.

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So it's hard.

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It's a, it's a hard, um, thing to.

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Sort out and to juggle so that people,

so that I can share what I've learned,

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but not inundate you with the lessons.

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So sometimes stories help.

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So this is cute.

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This is from my childhood.

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I will never forget my brother, my

big brother Dave, had a Honda 70,

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and I thought it looked so cool.

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I don't know how old I was, maybe

nine or maybe not even nine.

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And my dad had a motorcycle and,

and they were, but we had all these

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trails to go dirt biking in our,

our house in Afton, Minnesota.

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It's a great place to grow up.

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And so my brother, my big brother,

was gonna upgrade to a new Kawasaki,

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something that was bigger and faster.

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And I'm like, I want the Honda 70.

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I want it.

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Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I

think I had a banana seat bike

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that you pushed back on the brakes.

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We get to the top of this big hill in

the gravel yard and that's where they

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set me on this Honda 70 Brother Dad.

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Go screaming down the hill.

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Nobody tells me anything about

hand brakes, about clutches.

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I take off down the hill and crashed.

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Now, thankfully, no one was hurt.

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Right?

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But I had no idea.

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I had no idea.

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I just went screaming down

that hill and nobody told me.

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I thought maybe I'd push back on

something and the brake would work.

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It was just like fly by the

seat of your pants and learn.

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And you know what?

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That is one way to learn.

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Right.

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And then I compare that to my mom

who like would teach me, we had that

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comet, you know, for your sinks.

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There wasn't that soft scrub.

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And she'd, she'd say, you gotta

put a little elbow grease into it.

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Or like, if we were washing the car

or something and she'd like, show me.

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She'd show me step by step how to do it

not as exciting and not as not so scary.

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So I started thinking about my life and

how, and I don't wanna be stereotypical

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because it could be different, and

I think I see it different in my

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children where maybe my son might

be a little bit more safe and his

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wife might be a little more daring.

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So I'm not saying that, but in my

family, like I remember my hubby, um.

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You know, like I'd be racing along the

bike and he'd shove 'em and go, they'll

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fi they're, they'll figure it out, you

know, and he'd push him on the bike.

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And then one time we were in this,

the grocery store and we had my

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little jack who kind of was a

mama's boy and wanted to be by me.

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So I was always really

careful that he wasn't afraid.

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And he always knew that I was near him.

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Well then my, he was

with my hubby and I was.

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Like running around.

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I think we were actually in a target,

and all of a sudden I see my husband down

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one aisle and Jack's alone in an aisle.

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And I'm like, what are you doing?

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He's gonna be terrified because he

did, he was looking at something, he

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didn't realize his, his dad was gone.

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And him, my husband said, well, I figured

that's good for him to get a little scared

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and know that I'm around the corner.

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And I was like, oh.

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So different styles, right?

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Different styles.

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Still learning.

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Still doing the learning.

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And so what I thought when I saw

that story today, I was like, and

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was trying to fit it into my book.

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I was like, okay, that's how I

wanna teach somewhere in the middle.

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I wanna share with you what I've

learned through my heart, things

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so that you can move forward.

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I don't want you to go screaming

down the hill with nothing.

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And yet, I don't wanna be so annoyingly

telling you what to do either.

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So I wanna just hold your hand and

what I want you to know is if you are

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like 40 and above and thinking about

divorce or going through something hard,

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like divorce, I now have a community

of women that's starting in January.

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It's only $47 a month, and you

get to meet with me for one

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hour and be in a safe community.

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That where we talk through

you, we talk through mindset.

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It's gonna be a positive setting.

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We learn, um, I do coaching.

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You can ask me little questions,

I can give you legal information.

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I never give legal advice and it's

not therapy, but it's there for you.

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And I just wanted to offer that

to help women, um, who are going

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through something hard like divorce.

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My heart wasn't.

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Divorce.

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I know.

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Divorce well, because I've worked in it.

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My heart, of course, if you've listened

to this podcast, was not, not the divorce,

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but there were other really hard things.

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So that's my, that is just

a little gift to you to tell

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you how I want to teach you.

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Send me a note and let me know

if I'm doing it right or if I'm

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being annoying, because what I want

to share today is so important.

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I see it all around me and it's about

forgiveness and um, it's so interesting

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how me going through something hard made,

it was a good thing to go through because

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it made me wanna grow and it made, it

really turned up the speed on my growth.

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And part of that growth is I

wanna feel more joy and part

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of being able to feel more joy.

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Was me being able to forgive.

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And isn't it interesting because I'm

not, I don't have this down pat, but I

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want you to know that I am learning and

I wanna walk you through how I did it.

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I, you know, I'm a Christian and so

this, when I talk, I talk about God, and

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so I just want you to be aware of that.

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I think it can help you, you

know, no matter what you believe.

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So this is how I learned to

forgive and it took going through

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like what are my core wounds?

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And just so you know, JJ

Zain has a great course.

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It's in my show notes.

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If you have core wounds that need

healing, it's a great place to start.

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That's where I started.

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But you have these wounds that hurt you.

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And what I learned was I needed

to sit down and be quiet.

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And I talk about stillness all

the time because stillness has

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taught me an immense amount.

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So I sit and I'd be quiet, and then

I bring myself to a moment, a spot.

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You know, a moment in time, a

place where I felt tremendous love.

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Sometimes I just, like, if I'm one

of 'em is in my garden and I will

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just, the sun is shining on me and

I'm on my bench and I feel God's love.

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A lot of times it's holding a baby.

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You know, it can be your wedding day.

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It can, it can be all those things.

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I want you to go there and

I want you to be there.

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And feel it.

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And then you go, okay,

where is God in this?

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That is the way that I have learned

how to connect with God if I wanna

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hear him, if I'm on, you know, if I

just, and if I wanna thank him for

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things, that's my best place to connect.

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And I, I don't know if it's meditation,

I need to start doing that too.

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We'll talk about that another

time, but that's where I go.

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So when I had to forgive someone.

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What I learned is I had to sit

with God and I had to tell God all

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the things they did wrong to me.

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I had to say.

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You know, this was wrong and they, and

this person did this to me and this was

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wrong, and this person did this to me.

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And you know, it's funny friends,

how sometimes, um, like it's hard.

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Like you don't want to, like,

you feel like you're ratting out

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someone, and it could be someone

that you really care about that.

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That screwed you up.

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But what I want you to remember

is you have to say it and

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you have to give it to God.

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You wanna know why?

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'cause God loves that person.

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God loves that person.

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So that in itself was a weird thing.

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Kind of uncomfortable.

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Try it and let me know how it was for you.

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It was kind of hard to

say the wrong things.

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I don't know if I'm fighting,

like I don't wanna be a victim.

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I don't wanna go there.

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Go there, go there once, go there

once, tell God what they did and

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then I handed it over to him.

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And I said, okay, you are

the god of this universe.

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I hand this to you to judge.

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It's up.

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It's God, it's up to him.

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It's his, it's none of my

business how he handles it.

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If he disciplines, whatever it is,

I hand it off to him and I know

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that he's a loving father, and

so that whatever happens, I don't

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have to be afraid for that person.

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I don't know if I'm doing this justice,

but doing that for something really big

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in my life that hurt me, redeemed me.

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Giving it to God changed my life.

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The anger went away and, and in this

situation, the person's still in my life.

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Sometimes that isn't always the case.

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Sometimes it could be someone who's passed

and you still need that forgiveness.

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I know.

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Um, I had a good friend, Andy

Bull, and you can go back

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and listen to that podcast.

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She's amazing.

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Um, she's an author and she

wrote about her father and

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abuse, and I'm gonna, I'll put.

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That in the podcast notes too, so

you can go listen to it if you want.

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But she explained kind of in the

beginning of the book how she

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learned how to forgive her father

for, I don't know if he exactly.

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Did the abuse or if he didn't protect

her from it, if he knew about it and

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didn't protect, I can't remember for

sure, but she said that she had done

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the work and forgave him, and she did on

his deathbed, they were United reunited

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and he told her that he was sorry.

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And she said it was so interesting

because she said, I didn't need

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him to say he was sorry anymore.

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And that's the thing

that's so healing you guys.

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That's what can heal our bodies.

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Like when I see someone who's going

through something where they're

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carrying a lot of anger because

someone did something wrong to 'em,

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and people do things that are wrong.

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I've hurt people, I've hurt my

husband, I've hurt my children,

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and I need to be forgiven.

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And they, and it, and the

thing is, is if you carry that.

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It really, truly can cause cancers

and, and it can cause autoimmune

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issues, heart issues, like it is

something that we want to be able to

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forgive, not for the other person as

kind of has nothing to do with them.

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It's for your own wellbeing

and healing and joy.

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And so Andy explained that to me.

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That was kind of the first light bulb mo

moment where she said, when she realized.

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That she didn't need her dad to say

he was sorry because she had already

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worked through all of it and forgiven

him before he said he was sorry.

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And I think when I was younger,

I'd be like, well, they have to

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say they're sorry to be forgiven.

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No, that's not true because it's for you.

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So I just want you to know it has changed

my life and I'm not perfect at it.

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I'm still really working on it.

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And, um.

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What I will do is throughout the

day and even the, the judging

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thing, ugh, I'm horrible at that.

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I judge myself and others, and so now

anytime I get a little worry or anxiety

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or I think, oh, that wasn't right, that

that person did that, I say a little

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prayer for 'em and I hand it over to God.

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I mean, I'm not doing it all

the time, but I'm working on it.

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I'm trying to.

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My life keeps getting better, folks.

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My life keeps getting better, and

that is not a lie, and that is

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why I have shared this with you.

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So if there is someone in your

life, if there is a hurt in your

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heart, first of all, from way back

in, you don't even know what it is.

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Do that core wounds course with JJ Zaine.

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Figure out what it is.

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Look at who you need to forgive and

get to your special spot with God and

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hand it over to the God of the universe

because he is the one who is able.

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Judge, he is the one

who should be doing it.

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It's not up to us.

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And you can hand it over.

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You say out loud what they did

to you, hand it over and move on.

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And just watch the redemption.

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Watch how it changes your life.

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I can't wait.

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Please just like, let me know.

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Send me notes, send me emails, let me

know, um, how it's changed your life.

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So.

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Thank you so much for being here.

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Have a very blessed holiday, and I just

hope it's filled with joy and gratitude

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and maybe a little bit of forgiveness.

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God bless.

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I.