Divorce Is Not the End: How to Grow, Heal, and Reclaim Your Joy

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Welcome listeners.

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I just wanted to pop into doing Divorce

different and see how y'all were doing.

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I'm spending a lot of time in Saddle

Up live these days helping women, feel

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more empowered, helping 'em through

menopause stuff, but I'm still doing

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my divorces because I still wanna help

people and I wanna help you through

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hard times It's hard to not, I'm

sitting here in my whimsy sweatshirt

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because I got to spend a couple of days

with Bob Goff, who's an amazing man.

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If you don't know him, look

him up, but he'll make you feel

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loved and happy and inspired.

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I flew in last night and I'm sitting

in my barn and I had a early consult

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Darling, I just wanna let you know, I know

not everyone can do a divorce amicably,

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but I have the most precious clients.

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Those are the only clients that

I work with, and I will help you

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if you need help and you can't do

it because there are times when

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you can't work together for one.

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You both have to agree to work together.

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It's voluntary, and so if

one person doesn't wanna do

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it, you don't have a choice.

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you can be as amicable as

you can, but you're probably

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gonna have to hire attorneys.

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the clients that come to me for

consultations, and I'm telling you,

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you can go to my website, schedule a

consultation with me, no matter what

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state you're in, and I will help you.

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I will talk you through your options.

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I won't be giving out a lot of legal

information from other states, but I

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can give you general information and

I can help you get your feet down the

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right path, for options that you have.

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So here's the deal.

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You probably can't work together if one

of you is a narcissist or just a jerk.

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you can't probably work together

if one person feels like they don't

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have a voice and they're overpowered.

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But if you're two fairly decent people

who are willing to work together through

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a divorce, please take a stab at it.

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I will hold your hand.

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Whether you are working with me through

the divorce or if you're working

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with a mediator in another state or

divorce attorneys, I want to help you

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figure out what your true values are.

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And I know I say this I should give

it credit to someone, but where

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you end one thing or how you end

one thing is how you begin another.

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If you can end your marriage

on a high note baby, you're

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gonna go into that next phase.

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Way better off.

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This doesn't mean that it's.

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Not hard and that you're

gonna suffer and I hate it.

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People.

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I have spent my life and I mean,

I raised my poor children trying

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to keep them from feeling pain.

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I wanted to help people through divorce

so they wouldn't have to suffer.

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I.

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And then I got hit over the head with

something that was suffering and I

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had to learn how to deal with it.

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And you know what I did?

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I had to sit in it and I thought I had

all this self-coaching, and truly that

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did help me that I had done all that work.

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But truly, it took a long, long time of

just sitting with the sadness and then.

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As I sat with that sadness, so like

you guys, if you're maybe sad that your

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spouse wants a divorce or sad, just sad

that you are asking for the divorce and

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you're hurting someone, just sit in it and

feel it and don't put a timeframe on it.

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I don't know how long it's gonna take you,

but I do want you to be open to blessings.

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So that gratitude stuff,

that's not a joke.

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Like being thankful for what you have.

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Everybody has something

to be thankful for.

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If you have a pillow under your

head at night, relish that focus.

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Start focusing on that.

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I want this.

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I want you to stay married if you can.

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You know that I believe in marriage.

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I've been married to

Johnny Cakes for 34 years.

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I want you to stay married

if you can, and if you can't.

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I want you to keep a loving, I want

you to forgive because it's gonna help

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you, and I want you to use this as an

opportunity because I did, I used my

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really hard thing as an opportunity

to a better life, and now I kind of

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get to feel like, like remember when

you were a kid and you went to summer

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camp and you ran around and played

with a bunch of kids and it was fun.

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I'm starting to feel that again.

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I'm starting to let go of the

people pleasing and, doing

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things just 'cause they're fun.

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And so I want you to have that hope.

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If you are sitting dreading where

you are right now, hang in there.

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Love yourself because you know what?

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You are precious and you are

loved, and you are so worth worthy.

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You are worthy of all the good things

and you've got dreams in your head,

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and they might, may not match what,

what this world's dreams are for you.

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But you hold on to that and

you use this as an opportunity.

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Use it as an opportunity to grow.

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Think of going through something difficult

like this is going to teach you so much

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about how to communicate with someone,

how to go through something hard with

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someone you maybe don't like very much.

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How to do it a better way.

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And you know what?

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Maybe you're gonna turn

around and help other people.

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If people can watch how you do

this differently, how you do

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your divorce differently, you

could start to change the world.

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Especially if you have children,

they are going to be watching you

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Are you kidding me?

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Who wants their parents to get divorced?

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No one, no one does.

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I mean, I don't know.

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I shouldn't say that.

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I have met people where there's like

abusive situations and they were so

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proud of their other parent for leaving

and moving on because it gave, it gave

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everyone a, you know, it was courageous.

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So I can't say that, but

in most situations, yeah,

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your kids are gonna suffer.

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Their lives are gonna change.

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And you know what?

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They didn't ask for it either.

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but.

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that does not mean that they

cannot reap a benefit from this.

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Let them sit with their feelings

and watch them and love them.

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And if you can both stay together, loving

them and working together as parents,

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that is what's gonna help them the most.

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your kids.

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Get to learn at an early age how

to go through something hard, and

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they get to watch you go through

something hard and observe it.

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And if you can be open to them and letting

them feel their feelings and helping them

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have gratitude and see opportunities.

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You may just raise the most amazing,

resilient children out there.

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And it doesn't mean that they're not

going to have good relationships.

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You are gonna start showing them right

now how to have good relationships,

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how to set up boundaries, how

to live a full, joyful life.

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So I can't take away the suffering

that you're gonna go through.

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And I wish that I could, but I can't.

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I kind of don't want to because

it's what's going to help you

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grow, and that's what I want.

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I want you to have a

better life after this.

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So I do want to give you hope

because you have the opportunity

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to use this for good and you can.

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It's up to you.

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This is your responsibility.

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You can spin out and wallow.

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Or you can use it as an opportunity.

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And I have, when I said cement out,

when I went through my really hard,

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I had to go on anxiety medication.

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I'm not, I'm saying you do

whatever you need to do.

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It doesn't mean that.

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And, and of course I did surrender

to God and that that made all

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the difference in my entire life

to just trust him and let it go.

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So you, you do what you need to do.

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To make this an opportunity

to a better life.

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And then I want you to get ahold

of me, and I wanna have you on

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this podcast so that you can

share what you've gone through.

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In fact, next week

we've got, Tammy Wallen.

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Zach coming on.

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This is a really quick episode.

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The next week will be longer.

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she's gonna share.

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Her life and she did it a better way,

and she's doing amazing and you can too.

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So never give up on your hope

and know that you are loved.

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And if you need me, you can find me.

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Go to lisa koski.com.

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Just hit start here.

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Just schedule a consult.

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If you wanna chat with me for 30

minutes, I'm here for you and I

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wanna help you so you take good care.