Navigating the Holidays: Co-Parenting Insights and Tips

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Welcome listeners.

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I'm so thankful to have you here today.

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I wanted to use this episode of

Doing Divorce Different to share with

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all of my co parents tools to help

you make it through the holidays.

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the number one thing that my clients

are worried about are their children.

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so that's why my message is always to help

you help them by parenting well together.

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I know sometimes you don't have

a great co parent to work with.

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I'll try to address that as we

go, because a lot of it would be.

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Amazing if you can work together.

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But if you can't, you

can keep your lane clean.

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We've talked about that before.

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So here's the, I'm going to go through

seven, seven things that you can think

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about and do to make the holidays

good for your children after divorce.

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But the one thing that I

cannot Leave without talking

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about is my parenting plan.

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I now have a really easy online

parenting plan course and it sets the

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stage so that you can communicate well.

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You can have your holidays.

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all figured out and scheduled.

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It will help you think through

things you may not have thought of.

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That is the key to co parenting well

is to have an amazing parenting plan.

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So I've got that for you if you need it.

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Now I just want to talk about these

seven things that you can do to

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help your kids through the holidays.

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And I know there's lots of tricky

things involved, but if you can set

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the tone for a positive parenting plan.

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So the greatest thing that you can

do is to be united with the other co

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parent and work together and let the

kids see that you are working together.

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If you can celebrate together, great.

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But at the very least, Be,

complimentary of each other's time and

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supportive and follow the schedule.

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So that is setting the

tone for a great holiday.

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And it's going to be hard because

holidays can be stressful.

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So just do your best to not get triggered.

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And remember, I have those little,

tools for not getting triggered

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by your ex, have a picture of

your kid pop up when they call.

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if it's something that grandma

did and it wouldn't bug you, do

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you have to get mad about it?

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So those are just some things that

you can do to keep that tone, just

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set the stage for a good tone.

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And you know what?

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It's catchy.

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If one parent can do it, often

the other one will jump on board.

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So another thing is to be consistent.

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And I talked a little bit about that.

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Holidays are a little bit

tricky to be consistent.

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It is nice for kids to always

know what their schedule is, but

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you can show them together what

the plan is over the holidays.

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So then there's no surprises

and it just makes it easier.

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They feel like, Oh, I've got

this, it's taken care of and they

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know what's coming at them and

it's organized and makes sense.

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And that can really help.

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Children.

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So if you can do be consistent,

that's very helpful.

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Here's another really important thing

that sometimes we forget about is to

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just have open dialogue with your kids.

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You know, as we know, kids are going to

have a lot of questions about things.

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Let them ask, find out emotionally how

they're doing through the holidays.

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Ask them questions about their wants

and desires because they're important

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little people and they need to be

heard too, you know, and like ignoring

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it is not going to make it go away.

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Bringing things to light always

makes things better, not always

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easier, but it does, help you

see what someone's going through.

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And at least you have the

ability to address it.

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Here's another thing that I've heard

from people, and this is a fourth

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thing is creating new traditions.

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Now that's not to say that you

can't all do Christmas together.

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Like you always have.

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I do have parents who do that.

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And that's amazing and awesome.

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If you can do that, it's still

going to be a little bit different

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because the parents aren't together.

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But sometimes it's how you frame something

and you can say, Hey, this is an exciting

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new tradition that we're going to do.

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And you get to have Christmas with me.

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And then another one with your mom

and make it more of an experience.

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Um, new thing that you can do.

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Traditions are great and you may want to

start setting up some new ones now that

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you're not together or married any longer.

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another thing to be cognizant

of, and this is one that's kind

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of hard for me is, finances.

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And, you know, depending on the

age of your kids and what they can

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understand, you want to make sure

that they're not expecting, the

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world if it's not feasible for you.

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this is really hard for me because

I always want to give my kids

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everything they need financially,

even if that would send me into a

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tailspin and into bankruptcy, I'd

want to do whatever I could for them.

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But that's not realistic and

that's not healthy for you.

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I mean, the greatest option would

be if you have a great co parenting

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relationship, if you could actually talk

together and be transparent and talk about

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the gifts you're giving, maybe even give

together, that's maybe even something

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you could put in your parenting plan.

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that just makes it easier for

you to address it beforehand

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so that you're not thrown in.

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I mean, there's enough

stress in the world.

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You don't need to have that

financial stress of buying all

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the gifts for the kids and kind

of what flows right from that.

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So this is number six.

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It's the quality time that

you have with your kids.

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It's, that's what matters.

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It's not the material gifts.

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And, you know, to be honest, when I look

back over my life, I do remember some

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of the gifts that I got over Christmas.

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But what I remember more and what stays

with me are the things, the quality

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time that I had with my family, with

my parents, my brother, my kiddos.

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those are the things that I remember.

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I mean, my childhood memories

of Christmases, I think the best

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ones are when we did something.

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And I don't remember the gifts that I got.

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But I remember the time that we spent.

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So remember that your kids just need

time with you as simple as going sledding

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down a hill and getting hot cocoa.

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I mean, it doesn't have to be

major and it will build a memory

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and maybe even a new tradition.

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The last thing that I'm going to

talk about that I always talk about.

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Is self-care.

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these things are here to help

you take care of yourself too.

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But you need to take care of

yourself so that you can take

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care of your children well.

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They need you more than anything,

so make sure that you are doing

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the things to get your mind right.

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So that you don't have to be

stressed out and be easy on yourself.

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If you have empathy, it is a tough

time of year, but you can help your

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children thrive through the holidays.

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It'll be amazing if you have a co parent

that you can work with even better,

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because you can go through these seven

steps I gave you and work together.

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If you have a high conflict

parenting situation, stay in

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your lane, do your things.

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You can still follow these seven

steps and you can give your kids

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a beautiful, memorable Christmas.

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or Hanukkah or whatever you celebrate,

whatever your traditions are, and

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for any holiday, this is true.

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So just, you know, keep that in

mind that this can be an exciting.

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new traditions.

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So I just wish you well and hope that

you can have an amazing Christmas.

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Um, you know, if you're divorced,

maybe have never been married, but

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you know, trying to navigate through

all of that, have a beautiful holiday.

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Take care.