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Published on:

18th Sep 2025

Saddle Up Segment: Ending the Cycle of Perfectionism & Judgment | Healing with Andi Bull

Episode Description:

Break the cycle of perfectionism, judgment, and people-pleasing. In this Saddle Up Segment, Lesa Koski shares 5 key takeaways from part two of her powerful conversation with author Andi Bull (When Your Protectors Didn’t Protect).

Learn how humility breaks defensiveness, how to move from victim to overcomer, and why God’s unconditional love—not performance—defines your worth. This episode offers faith-filled, practical tools for healing after abuse and releasing perfectionism for good.

Timestamps:


(00:00) Welcome back to the Saddle Up Segment


(01:10) Humility heals faster than defensiveness


(03:00) The barbed-wire tree: growing around suffering


(05:15) Moving from judgment to discernment with God’s eyes


(07:40) From victim to survivor to overcomer


(10:05) God’s unconditional love—identity before performance


(12:30) Key reminders to end the cycle

Key Takeaways:




  • Humility opens hearts where defensiveness closes them.



  • Pain doesn’t disappear—we grow stronger around it.



  • Judgment becomes discernment when we ask for God’s eyes.



  • You can move from victim → survivor → overcomer.



  • God’s love is unconditional—your worth isn’t earned.


Guest Bio (context):

For over twenty-five years, Andi has dedicated herself to the study of God’s word, graduating from the King’s University with her Master’s in 2003.

As she read the Bible through the eyes of a survivor of traumatic childhood abuse, she saw how God passionately seeks the lost, gently restores the broken, and tenderly heals broken hearts. 

Andi became inspired to advocate for emotional well-being, not only for herself but also for the women she is privileged to mentor one-on-one and those she speaks to at conferences. The lessons and insights she gained are in her book, When Your Protectors Didn’t: Healing from a Past of Broken Pieces. 

Raised in South Africa as a child, she now resides in sunny Southern California with her husband, daughter, and pups. She loves her family, friends, pups, and coffee—lots and lots of coffee! 



Resource Links:

Listen to the full episode here! https://player.captivate.fm/episode/27abd1b8-860b-4770-8508-3021b19c465f/



  • Get Andi Bull’s book: When Your Protectors Didn’t Protect https://a.co/d/5naO43I



  • Learn more at lesakoski.com



Tags/Keywords:


healing after abuse, faith and healing, perfectionism, people pleasing, Saddle Up Segment, women over 40 podcast, Christian women, ending the cycle, judgment to discernment, overcoming trauma, identity in Christ, Andi Bull, When Your Protectors Didn’t

Transcript
Speaker:

All right, friend.

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Let's saddle up and talk about the

five big takeaways from the second

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half of my conversation with Andy Bull.

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And if you want to hear the entire part

two, go back to Tuesday and listen.

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It's so good.

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But these are things you can

carry into your life right now,

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especially if you ever have ever

struggled with perfectionism.

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Judgment or just feeling like

you have to earn love to be.

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Okay, so take away number one is

humility heals where defensiveness can't.

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So one of the most powerful

moments was when Andy shared how

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her husband apologizes quickly.

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Sincerely and without being defensive,

and she realized she had grown up with

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so much criti criticism, criticism

that she didn't know how to apologize.

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Every mistake kind of felt like it meant

something was wrong with her at her core.

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And that hit me because

I've been there too.

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When you carry perfectionism, even

a small failure can feel like proof.

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You're not enough.

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But humility can break that.

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And Andy started practicing

this line with her husband.

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I don't fully see what you're seeing yet.

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Can you help me understand

so I can own my part?

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So there's no defensiveness

there, no proving.

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Just humility.

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That kind of response can shift

relationships, it can build trust,

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and it's how you can break a cycle.

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Take away number two.

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Is that suffering doesn't shrink.

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We grow around it.

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And Andy told a story that kind of

gave me chills, where she saw an oak

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tree at her sister's land that had

grown around a barbed wire fence,

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and the barbed wire hadn't gone away.

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The tree simply kept growing and

the wire became part of its story,

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and that is how healing works.

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Like, and we all know this when we've been

through things, the pain doesn't always

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get smaller, but we can grow stronger

and mo more whole kind of around it.

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It becomes part of our story,

but it doesn't define us.

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And, and this just resonates with me.

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Um, in my breast cancer journey,

the experience is still part of me.

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It doesn't control me.

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It's like the barbed wire.

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It's embedded, but it's not who I am.

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So we don't wanna erase the hard things.

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We just keep growing.

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And then takeaway number three was

move from judgment to discernment.

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And I, I confess to Andy that

I sometimes still judge people.

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And you know those that have it all

together, or those who look different

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from me and I don't wanna do that anymore.

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And she gave me some practical wisdom.

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Then the first thing was just

to be aware of, this is a win.

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So, catching the thought is step one,

and she said, second, ask for God's eyes.

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Literally pause and pray.

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Jesus, give me your eyes and

your heart for this person.

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And here is the part I love.

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Sometimes God will nudge you to speak

and sometimes he whispers not from you.

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That's discernment.

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We don't have to fix people,

we just have to love them.

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Unfollow God's lead.

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Take away number four.

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From victim to survivor to overcomer,

Andy shared a powerful framework.

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The victim is that you acknowledge

what happened and how it hurt you.

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The survivor is where you start building

healthy coping skills and boundaries, and

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the overcomer is when you use your story.

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To encourage others

without controlling them.

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She said something that gave me

goosebumps, goosebumps, again, is once you

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became an overcomer, you become dangerous

to the kingdom of darkness because if you

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can overcome, you know, others can too.

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That's why our stories matter.

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They.

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Break chains take away number five.

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What's God's love is unconditional.

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Like, like my grandma

or me as a grandma, and.

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I had a cute story that we laughed

about, um, about a toddler meltdown

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with my grandson and how I loved him

through it, and I wasn't embarrassed

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and I didn't care about pleasing anyone.

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And Andy reminded me that God looks

at us the same way, like when you

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stare at a newborn and you, you,

they can't do anything for themselves

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and they can't do anything for you.

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But you are overflowing with

love for them, and that is how

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God sees you every morning.

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And I'm not kidding guys, I have

been starting to think of this.

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When I wake up in the morning and

I say my prayers, I think of God

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staring at me just like I have stared

at my children and my grandchildren,

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and it just kind of melts my heart.

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So before we perform, before we produce.

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Before we prove anything, he's

already there delighting in us.

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So when we start from a place of

love like I'm trying to do every

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morning, everything becomes lighter.

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So if you take nothing else from

the saddle up segment, take this.

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Humility heals faster than defensiveness.

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You can grow around

pain without denying it.

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Judgment can.

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Become discernment with God's eyes.

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You are allowed to move from

victim to overcomer and you already

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deeply unshakably are loved.

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Friend, this is how we end the cycle.

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This is how we create new legacies.

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And like I said, if you haven't listened

to the full episode, go back, do that.

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It's powerful.

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Andy is amazing.

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And then, uh, tune in next week.

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I've got a great episode coming

up with Lisa Sanders on Tuesday.

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You take care.

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Thanks for being here.

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About the Podcast

Doing Life Different with Lesa Koski
Real conversations for women over 40 about faith, fitness, and fresh starts
Mindset, movement, and faith after 40—because midlife isn’t a crisis, it’s your comeback.

Welcome to Doing Life Different with Lesa Koski, the podcast for women over 40 who are ready to rewrite the rules, reclaim their joy, and rediscover their purpose. Whether you're navigating divorce, rediscovering your health, deepening your faith, or learning how to have fun again—you’re in the right place.

Host Lesa Koski—wife, mom, coach, and seasoned mediator—brings real talk, relatable wisdom, and expert interviews to guide you through midlife reinvention with grace and grit.

In each episode, you’ll get practical tools and empowering conversations on:

Mindset & personal growth

Faith & spiritual connection

Fitness, movement & health

Divorce, marriage & relationships

Fun, purpose & starting fresh in the second half of life

This isn’t just self-help. It’s soul-level transformation. Get ready to do life different—because your next chapter starts now.

Lesa also explores the emotional and physical changes that often accompany midlife and major life shifts. From navigating the impact of menopause on your health, marriage, and mood, to dealing with the loneliness that can come after divorce or empty nesting, you’ll find honest conversations that don’t shy away from real-life challenges. And for those of you in your 40s, 50s, or beyond, you’ll discover what it means to truly build a better life after 40.

Health and wellness are deeply integrated into this journey. Lesa shares insights on the benefits of rest, joy, nutrition, fasting, protein, and bone health, along with the power of movement, community, and exercise to support mental clarity and physical strength. You’ll learn how to take care of yourself with intention—because healing isn’t just emotional, it’s also biological.

Mindset work and self-coaching are recurring tools offered in episodes to help you reframe your story and shift from fear to freedom. And through it all, the show honors the role of faith, spiritual surrender, and letting God lead you through every season. Whether you're leaning into your relationship with God for the first time or deepening a lifelong practice, you’ll hear how surrender can bring peace even in the hardest moments.

You’ll hear real stories from people who have done divorce differently, saved their marriages, or found new love and purpose on the other side. Lesa also brings in conversations about marriages that have stood the test of time, co-parenting through complex seasons, and the realities of parenting after separation while maintaining stability for your kids.

This is a podcast about thriving through Cancer, taking back your life, rewriting your future, and trusting that you’re not starting over, you’re starting better. If you’re craving practical advice, soul-level encouragement, and real conversations about creating a healthy, joyful, purpose-driven life, you’ve found your community.

Subscribe now and join Lesa Koski for weekly episodes that will help you grow stronger in your relationships, your health, and your faith, no matter where you’re starting from.

About the Host:
I’ve spent over 25 years helping families navigate amicable divorce as a lawyer and mediator, always focused on protecting what matters most—your kids and your peace of mind. But my mission has expanded. Today, I support women over 40 not just through endings, but in building stronger relationships—and sometimes even saving their marriages. I’m a breast cancer survivor, a cowgirl at heart, a wellness advocate, and a follower of Jesus. My life and faith fuel my passion for helping women thrive.

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