The Boundary Breakthrough: How Saying “No” in Midlife Changed Everything

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Welcome listeners.

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I am so thankful that

you're here for this week's.

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Saddle up segment where we just

take key takeaways from the past

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Tuesday's episode where I had, uh, Dr.

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Becky Wetstone on, and she was talking

about boundaries and it's so good.

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And I'm just telling you, go back and

listen because I had some interesting

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insights that I really didn't expect.

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Um, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna share

that with you at the, the end.

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But just so you know, she went.

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Through, you know, why do we start

recognizing when we have issues

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with boundaries kind of in midlife?

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You know, it's because we've

got the kids sometimes we've got

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grandkids, we've got parents.

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Sometimes they're needing us to help.

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There's just so much going on

midlife that I think that's, when

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you do have boundary issues, that's

when you really, really notice it.

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So she gave us some tools,

like actually like little sent

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sentences that we could say.

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Um.

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Like that doesn't work for me right

now, or let me check my calendar.

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Um, she even talked about

saying, you know what?

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That just wouldn't be

healthy for me right now.

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And.

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So she sets us up so that we're prepared.

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If we wanna think about something or we

don't know for sure if we wanna do it, or

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if it's a hell no, you know, then you know

that you're going to set your boundaries.

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I am not good at this at all, and I talked

about how uncomfortable I feel when I set

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a boundary, but she said something about.

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Don't let other people steal your peace.

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Like in order for us to use our gifts and

serve the Lord, we need to have peace.

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We need to have rest.

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We need to be able to serve him.

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And if we're doing things that

aren't in line with that or that

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just aren't going to support.

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That mission, that calling, um, you

know, whether it's being a mama or a

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grandma or doing a podcast or writing

a book, whatever it is, you do need

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to have those boundaries and take

care of you so that you, we all know

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that, so that we can serve others.

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It's just that, I will be honest, it's

a little uncomfortable when you start to

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do it, but this, I have started doing it.

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And I do have some freedom, and I'm

really kind of surprised and shocked that

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some people seem to really do well with

them and they don't even question it.

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They don't expect me to

give more than I need to.

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We need to be able to count on people

to say no when they can't do something.

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Just like I Heck yeah.

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When they can.

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So this is the funny

thing that hit me though.

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It was shortly after I

recorded this episode.

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I had asked a friend, um, who was

kind of a coworker to do, to take an

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opportunity with me, to do something

with me, and she used one of Dr.

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Becky's lines on me saying that,

yeah, that's not gonna work for me

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right now, or, or whatever it was.

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And I was like.

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And she didn't say anything else.

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She didn't, you know, that that was it.

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That was hard.

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That was Herb.

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And of course, she's my friend, like she's

probably working on this stuff too, right?

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But it hit me funny.

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It hit me like, oh, I would

do anything you asked and

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you're not gonna do it for me.

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And then it was kind of an aha

light bulb moment, like bulb moment,

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moment where I went, what am I doing?

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She doesn't expect me to do

things that don't work for me.

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Why am I expecting me to fall over

backwards and do things that, and,

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and overshoot those boundaries and not

have boundaries with certain people?

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So it, it was just funny

that I kind of felt, um.

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A little angry, a little hurt,

a little unimportant to her.

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But then I realized it was a good

lesson because it's not about

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me, it's about her setting up her

boundaries so that she can do her job.

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And you wanna know what?

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It led me to actually say no to

something I needed to say no to,

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to her a long time ago that I

didn't because I thought I had to.

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So it gave me the freedom to do that.

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So you guys were all just

learning and we need to respect.

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People's boundaries too.

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And it doesn't mean that they don't

like us or love us or wanna be with

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us, it means that that particular thing

isn't gonna work for them right now.

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So let your yes, be yes and your no be

no and you know in your heart what it is.

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So thank you so much for being there.

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Go set those boundaries up and

let me know if anything hit

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you funny, um, from a learning

experience on doing life different.