Money, Divorce & Living Your Best Life | Financial Wisdom with Kathleen Judge

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Welcome listeners.

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I am happy that you're here and I'm so,

I feel so grateful that Kathleen Judge.

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Took some time to come

on doing life different.

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And Kathleen is a new friend of mine.

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I know a little bit about her, but

she's gonna share her authentic story.

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And what we're ladies, what we're

talking about today is finances.

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And I know don't turn this off

because sometimes when I hear that

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I wanna turn up, but it's more.

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It's more than that.

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You know, this podcast is about helping

you through hard times and I know

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Kathleen, in my own journey, I've had to,

to do a lot of work in the finance area

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of kind of being like a believable thought

of, I am a woman learning about finances

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and that's why I've got you on today.

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Because whether you are.

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Going through a divorce, and I know

Kathleen will share her story about

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that, or you just want to be more

involved in the finances, or maybe

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you're on your own and you're like,

what should I be doing with my money?

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So this is kind of for everyone.

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So Kathleen, absolutely.

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Thank you for being here and welcome.

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Speaker 2: Oh, thank you so much, Lisa.

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It really is an honor to be here.

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I love your podcast.

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It's so uplifting and such a

great way to help people who

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are going through hard times.

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We need each other, we need

to lean on each other and, and

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help each other through that.

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So I'm, I'm really honored to be here

and, and share my story and, and I

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certainly hope that, uh, it helps.

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Some of your listeners,

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Speaker: I know that it will, so you just

share, tell us what, what your story is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Okay.

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Well, um, I'll, I'll try to

get, there's of course a long,

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uh, medium and a short version.

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Speaker: We're good with

whatever you just go.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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So, I am a financial advisor

with Edward Jones and my focus is

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really helping people make smart

financial decisions so that they can.

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Lead their very best lives, meaning

they're able to take care of themselves,

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their family, and their loved ones, the

way that they really want to be able to

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take care of them, and that includes.

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Of course investment management.

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It also includes, um, ensuring

that we're mitigating taxes, um,

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ensuring that we have an estate plan

so that your heirs are taken care

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of, the way they should be includes

protecting your wealth so that if you.

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If you do go through a divorce or

litigation that your wealth is protected.

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So it's, it's really all encompassing.

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Uh, it's, it's very

comprehensive, I should say.

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And that's just to kinda level set

to give your audience a feel for,

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for what I do on a, on a daily basis.

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Speaker: Well, and Kathleen, as

you're, you're talking through this,

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it kind of hit me over the head.

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It really is.

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You really need to have someone

to talk this through with.

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Because it's very personal.

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It is very right, very personal.

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It's so dependent on what

you value and what you want.

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So, and if I can tell this audience, if

there is anything that I can help you with

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today, one thing that has changed my life.

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Is knowing what I want.

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And if you can know what you want for your

future in your finances, when you go in to

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meet with Kathleen or a financial advisor,

I just think that's gonna be so amazing.

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Speaker 2: I love that

so much, Lisa, because.

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People think of financial advisors

as just investment consultants, and

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I think of it very, very differently.

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My goal is to help my clients really

dig deep and articulate and identify

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what are the things that make them tick.

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Mm-hmm.

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Why is it that they want to

help a child with a certain.

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Project or have leaves a

certain kind of legacy.

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'cause once you are able to articulate

those deep values and that deep sense

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of worth, then we can put together

some really exciting financial

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strategies that bring it to life.

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And that's what.

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That's what our finances are for, are

for helping us live our best lives

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with no matter how much we have.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So I love that.

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Speaker: And, okay.

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And so here's another thing that I

caught about you is that you went through

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something difficult and learned from it.

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Yeah.

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And it led you to do this work.

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So now I gotta jump into

what is your authentic story?

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Okay.

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So I, uh, start, I, I, as I mentioned,

I'm with Edward Jones and I started with

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Edward Jones way back in the nineties.

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At that time, I was a kind of a digital

marketing pioneer, and, uh, they brought

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me in to build the very first website.

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And it was a great, it was

just a, a fantastic project.

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I, I.

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Was able to get a bird's eye view of the

company in a really short period of time

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because every part of the organization

is represented on the website.

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And so I just fell in love with the

company and I really felt comfortable with

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their values and the way that, uh, they

really do put clients' interests first.

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Certainly not perfect.

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Uh, by any stretch.

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But, um, but I fell in love with that.

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And so, um, so I was there

for several years and then we

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adopted twins from Ukraine.

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Speaker: Oh wow.

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And

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Speaker 2: yeah.

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And so I really wanted to just go

to like 30, 25 or 30 hours a week,

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but back then it was all or none.

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And so I made the choice to, um, to

do something different and we owned a

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construction company and so I helped

run the construction company and,

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and raised the kids of course, and

did other consulting on the side and.

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I ended up, but my, my children

went to, uh, I guess kindergarten.

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Yeah, kindergarten.

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And, um, it was a disaster for

both of them for different reasons.

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My daughter had learning disabilities.

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She ended kindergarten hating school.

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My son had some, um, physical things

going on that they weren't able to help

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with, and he ended kindergarten hating

school and it just broke my heart.

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Those early years are really, the

purpose is to instill a love of

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learning, and so we took a step back

and it was actually my husband who

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said, Kathleen, I think you should

homeschool until we find the right place.

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And I was like.

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What You are crazy.

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I am no more meant to,

I am a corporate woman.

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I am not meant to homeschool.

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And um, so he was like, well, just

think about it and pray about it.

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And so two weeks later.

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I was just absolutely, you know, God had,

I felt like he was telling me, he gave

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me the green light and that, so I had

a 180 turnaround and I was like, okay,

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Speaker: I

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Speaker 2: wanna

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Speaker: homeschool.

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Okay, Kathleen, I love you so much.

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I knew this was gonna be

good for so many reasons.

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So I also, I adopted my baby.

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Aw.

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So, yeah, I have two older ones,

and then we adopted our baby.

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I too homeschooled for a short period

of time, and my daughter will tell you,

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no child should be homeschooled by me

because I really took it seriously.

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But Kathleen, you, there's so

many cool things about you.

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For one, back in the nineties

you were designing a website.

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Lady, you are cutting edge because

I'm remembering the nineties.

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I don't even know if I had a computer.

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Oh,

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Speaker 2: we, we made the news.

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We

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Speaker: did.

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That's so awesome.

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Oh gosh.

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So awesome.

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Okay, so let's keep going

on this journey here.

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So, and I know, so I only did

homeschooling for one semester

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and it was because we were

transition transitioning schools.

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I kind of didn't know what to do.

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Um, I have a dear friend.

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Who was like, I can hardly read a book.

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And she felt God calling her to

homeschool and she did an amazing job.

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Oh.

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But it was hard.

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It was very hard, you know, was like,

this isn't really what I want to do, but

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this is what I am being called to do.

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So God bless you and Okay, keep going.

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Speaker 2: Well, the, the, the

best way that he has ever kept me

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on my knees, God has kept me on

my knees, is through homeschool.

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Lemme tell you, by far the

hardest job I've ever had.

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Yeah.

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But I, I went into it thinking,

okay, it is just gonna be a year,

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and we'll find the right spot.

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Mm-hmm.

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Well, one year turned into

two, turn it to three.

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Turned into four and pretty

soon we finished eighth grade.

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Speaker: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yay.

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And so, um, it was a fantastic

experience and I have, of course, so

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much I could say we could do a whole

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Speaker: podcast on that.

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Speaker 2: Podcast was just on that.

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Yes.

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Um, well, and

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Speaker: Kathleen, I think that back in

the day when you were doing it, it wasn't.

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So widely accepted.

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No.

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You were like, I was kind of a weirdo.

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I've been known as a weirdo 'cause

I can just fly around, but it's like

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God will put something in my heart.

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Yeah.

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And I just can't not do it.

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Yeah.

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Right.

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You know?

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Well,

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Speaker 2: and, and with in my situation,

you know, both my kids had some issues

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and so my daughter with these significant

learning disabilities, very intelligent.

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Mm-hmm.

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Just these significant learning

disabilities and she just.

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The public school system was not a fit.

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The private school system was not a fit.

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And then the homeschool curriculum

is really meant for people like me.

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I learn, you know, like I, I, I test fine.

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I can memorize stuff, right?

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You know, gimme a worksheet and I'm happy.

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But that is not her.

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And so.

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God put in my path, a gentleman who

spent his entire career in education.

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He had a PhD in elementary education

and he retired and had a heart for

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children who were being homeschooled

with learning disabilities.

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Ugh.

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I know, right?

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Yeah.

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And so, I mean, how many, how many

people are like that in the world?

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Like he's probably the only one.

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And so we traded, um, he did all

of my consulting for the kids

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education, and I did his marketing.

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And it was fantastic and I just saw

so much growth in my kids and, um, it,

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it was just a fantastic experience.

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Um, but kind of fast forward,

if you will, to, um,: 2010

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I very unexpectedly got divorced.

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Um, uh, yeah, I, I, and I know

people say, you know, if you look

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back, you can always see the signs,

you can always see it coming.

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And I have just looked under every

rock and crevice of my memory and

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I really did not see it coming.

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Um, but anyway, um.

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So we divorced in 20.

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So you're homeschooling

these kids, you're Yeah.

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You're doing the marketing and trade.

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Yeah.

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So I've been, I've been outta the

workforce now for at least 12 years, man.

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And, um, yeah, and, and suddenly

responsible for mine and my

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children's futures, which I'm gonna

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Speaker: guess, I'm sorry to

interrupt, but I'm gonna guess it's

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not something that you want it.

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You know, or something that

you would've picked maybe so.

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Speaker 2: So it's kind of interesting

because when we got married right outta

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college, and I always had the aptitude

for finances from when I was very young.

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I knew how to save and

I knew how to spend.

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It just came naturally

to me and I enjoyed that.

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However, our marriage

just didn't work that way.

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Um, my husband made the decisions

and I, I, I think I would've,

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well, I know I would've preferred

to have been much more involved.

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And looking back now, I see how

much power I gave up by not really

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inserting myself and, um, and making

sure that, that my priorities and

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my values were being represented.

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So.

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So when we got divorced, I

was, you know, of course I, um.

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Felt terrible.

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I don't know.

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Do you remember, um, a

Saturday Night Live character?

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Um, the, uh, the big guy who, um,

had this skit where he's like, I

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live in a van down by the river.

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And that's what I had pictured in

my mind is, oh my gosh, we're gonna

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end up living in a van by the river.

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No, but you know, I mean, you, your

mind goes to crazy places, but I,

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I knew I could pull it together.

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I knew I, I was capable and

I also knew I needed help.

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Yep.

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I could not do it on my own.

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Speaker: Well, and Kathleen, I gotta

stop you for a second because as you're

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talking about this, I'm thinking about

yes, this is for people who are going

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through a divorce and afraid because they

don't know what to do with their money.

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But it's also for all of

us who are in marriage.

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Oh, absolutely.

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And.

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What I am have been learning,

which is, you know, painful to

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my husband probably a little bit,

is how to set these boundaries.

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Mm-hmm.

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Um, you know, I, I wanna be involved.

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Yeah.

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This is mine too.

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Yeah.

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So even though you probably

created way more, I mean the

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retirement plan, that's all him.

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But I was the one there.

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I mean, I would, I can't

imagine what I could have done

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with my life if I had a wife.

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Right, right.

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So I'm not, I'm not gonna

say that's not mine, but yes.

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But it, but still can

frustrate me, Kathleen.

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And so I need to, I need

to work through this.

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So I'm just gonna sit in the chair.

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I usually don't like to talk about things.

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I'm not healed over until I heal.

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And it's happening now.

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Let's heal.

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Let's heal together, let's heal.

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So one thing that can be tricky is.

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So I take care of all of our finances.

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Mm-hmm.

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But I can't.

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Call for any of the stocks or

the funding because it's all him.

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Mm-hmm.

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Mm-hmm.

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And he's so darn busy.

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It's not that he doesn't allow me to, but

he hasn't even done the paperwork to allow

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me to talk to people to get work done.

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Mm-hmm.

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Right.

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Frustrating.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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So, and, and that is very common,

Lisa, and I find people coming to

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me, both male and female, and, and.

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With a whole range of

emotions around that.

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Some women feeling ashamed that

they don't know as much as they

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feel like they should know or they

don't know as much as their husband.

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And I just wanna say that is

not, there is no shame in not

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understanding financial strategies.

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You know, I don't know how to.

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Do surgery on myself and I, nobody

would expect me to know that.

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And for some reason our, our culture

and our society has kind of put this

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on women that we just don't know.

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And, and we, we don't need to

know and maybe we don't have an

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aptitude and, and so, you know, if

a financial advisor ever makes you

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feel like that, run the other way.

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Yeah.

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Um, and, and I have had multiple co

in fact, I think in the last year

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I've had three couples come to me

because the, the husband, well of

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course the wife was uncomfortable with

how their financial advisors were.

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The team was dealing with them.

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They were, you know,

ignoring her viewpoints, not.

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Not inquiring of her wants and wishes

speaking over her head intentionally.

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And the husband recognized that

this is not a good, this is not a

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good situation because he is gonna

pass before she does statistically,

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there's almost no way around it.

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He's gonna pass before she does, and

if she's not at least comfortable with

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her financial advisor, that's a whole.

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New layer of stress that you have to deal

with and your spouse has just passed.

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Yeah.

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And so they have come to me and said,

you know, the, the, in a couple cases, in

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: 00:18:02

two of the cases, the, the wife she'll,

you know, she'll come in and say, okay,

329

: 00:18:07

I, I, I, I understand about, oh, maybe.

330

: 00:18:11

You know, 25% of what you're saying.

331

: 00:18:13

And I'm like, that's great.

332

: 00:18:15

You know?

333

: 00:18:15

Right.

334

: 00:18:16

Stop me, ask me.

335

: 00:18:17

Let's talk about this.

336

: 00:18:18

And then over time they'll, they

learn more and more and become

337

: 00:18:23

more and more comfortable.

338

: 00:18:25

But I think more than anything, I.

339

: 00:18:28

We build up trust.

340

: 00:18:30

Yeah.

341

: 00:18:30

To where both he and her, you know,

they both have trust in me that I

342

: 00:18:37

am, I want what's best for them.

343

: 00:18:39

I wanna know what they want and then

I wanna help put together financial

344

: 00:18:44

strategies to help them get there.

345

: 00:18:47

Right.

346

: 00:18:48

Speaker: Well, and I, okay, so now I'm

kind of going back to how beautiful

347

: 00:18:52

it was that that husband came to you.

348

: 00:18:55

Yeah, and, but this is what I wanna say.

349

: 00:18:58

Not everybody has that.

350

: 00:19:00

No.

351

: 00:19:00

It is rare.

352

: 00:19:01

It's rare.

353

: 00:19:02

It's rare.

354

: 00:19:03

And we need to.

355

: 00:19:05

We need to learn to do that for ourselves.

356

: 00:19:09

Yes.

357

: 00:19:09

Right?

358

: 00:19:09

Yes,

359

: 00:19:10

Speaker 2: I agree.

360

: 00:19:11

So we

361

: 00:19:11

Speaker: need to put your hand

on your chest and say, I am

362

: 00:19:14

a woman learning finances.

363

: 00:19:16

I am worthy, I am loved, I, I am.

364

: 00:19:20

You know, create it for greatness.

365

: 00:19:22

And you go into that financial planner

and you ask the questions, don't you know?

366

: 00:19:27

Absolutely.

367

: 00:19:27

You take some deep breaths so that you

can be in the framework where you're

368

: 00:19:30

actually learning because you can learn

this and you wanna know what else.

369

: 00:19:35

It's not that hard.

370

: 00:19:36

Think, well, you know what?

371

: 00:19:37

We can do hard things.

372

: 00:19:39

We can do hard things.

373

: 00:19:40

And I think the hardest

part of it is the shame.

374

: 00:19:44

I think I felt so much shame.

375

: 00:19:45

I don't know how to, I

don't know how to, right.

376

: 00:19:48

Take care of finances.

377

: 00:19:48

I'm not good at it.

378

: 00:19:49

I just like to shop and

spend money or whatever.

379

: 00:19:52

That's not true.

380

: 00:19:53

That is not true.

381

: 00:19:54

It's not true.

382

: 00:19:54

No, no.

383

: 00:19:55

No, it's not

384

: 00:19:56

Speaker 2: at all.

385

: 00:19:57

I, it's, it's a, it's an absolute lie.

386

: 00:20:01

And I will also say I've done so

much research on women and finances

387

: 00:20:07

and, uh, you know, one, one.

388

: 00:20:12

Uh, fact that's really proven out

is that, um, is that women are loyal

389

: 00:20:21

and they don't wanna rock the boat.

390

: 00:20:24

And so we have a harder time saying

to our husbands, listen, I want

391

: 00:20:31

in, I want in on our finances.

392

: 00:20:35

And really forcing that.

393

: 00:20:39

Hand, it can be very hard to

do and sometimes it, it does.

394

: 00:20:43

It means, like with the three couples

I mentioned that came to me this year,

395

: 00:20:48

it means a change of a financial team.

396

: 00:20:50

Mm-hmm.

397

: 00:20:50

Because, you know,

'cause the relationship.

398

: 00:20:54

Should not just be with

one person in the marriage.

399

: 00:20:58

The relationship needs to be with both.

400

: 00:21:01

Speaker: Amen.

401

: 00:21:01

And I feel so grateful I would work

with you if I didn't already have

402

: 00:21:06

a friend that I was working with.

403

: 00:21:07

And he is someone that I worked

with on mediations and liked him.

404

: 00:21:13

And really, and believe it or not, we

never had a financial advisor, my husband,

405

: 00:21:17

he wanted to do it all on his own.

406

: 00:21:19

We really ended up not doing.

407

: 00:21:21

As much planning as we

probably should have.

408

: 00:21:24

I mean, he was real good about

putting the money away, so we're fine.

409

: 00:21:27

I'm like, retire Johnny Cakes.

410

: 00:21:29

It's be elaborate.

411

: 00:21:31

But, so I feel extremely comfortable

with my financial advisor and I think

412

: 00:21:37

there's something to be said for me

being the one to take the initiative.

413

: 00:21:41

Mm-hmm.

414

: 00:21:41

So I'm just gonna say, Kathleen, if

there are women out there and maybe

415

: 00:21:45

you don't have an advisor yet, or

you're not liking yours, take the step.

416

: 00:21:50

Reach out to Kathleen.

417

: 00:21:51

Now I need, need to understand

you're in Missouri, is that right?

418

: 00:21:54

I'm in.

419

: 00:21:55

I'm in Wisconsin right now.

420

: 00:21:57

Yeah, but I work in Minnesota.

421

: 00:21:59

Do you work everywhere?

422

: 00:22:01

Speaker 2: I do.

423

: 00:22:02

I have.

424

: 00:22:02

I have clients all over the

country, California, Colorado.

425

: 00:22:07

Arizona, Florida.

426

: 00:22:09

I, I, all over the country, I do take

clients, um, and serve clients everywhere.

427

: 00:22:14

So geography is not really

a, a barrier these days.

428

: 00:22:18

It's just not, which

I think is a blessing,

429

: 00:22:21

Speaker: right?

430

: 00:22:22

It's a

431

: 00:22:22

Speaker 2: blessing.

432

: 00:22:23

There's, in fact, my, my last

several referrals have been

433

: 00:22:29

people who are outta state.

434

: 00:22:31

So, you know, existing client that's

happy and they have referred someone

435

: 00:22:37

that lives outta state and it works fine.

436

: 00:22:40

Yeah, it's great.

437

: 00:22:41

Yeah.

438

: 00:22:41

Yeah.

439

: 00:22:42

Speaker: Well, I mean, if you

think about it, I don't go into

440

: 00:22:45

the office of my financial advisor.

441

: 00:22:47

Right?

442

: 00:22:48

You don't need to do that anymore.

443

: 00:22:50

Speaker 2: No, you really don't.

444

: 00:22:51

Uhuh.

445

: 00:22:53

Speaker: Okay.

446

: 00:22:53

That's awesome.

447

: 00:22:54

And I just would, I mean, I

would recommend that people

448

: 00:22:57

contact you, so we will have your

contact information That's great.

449

: 00:23:02

In our show notes.

450

: 00:23:03

But I have you have a little question

about, these are kind of different times.

451

: 00:23:10

Um, and I wanna ask you for

your expert opinion mm-hmm.

452

: 00:23:15

On things that we can be doing.

453

: 00:23:17

And I gotta say this is, it's such

an odd time and I remember hearing

454

: 00:23:21

when I was younger that this is the

first generation, our children mm-hmm.

455

: 00:23:26

Are the first generation who will

not do as well as their parents.

456

: 00:23:31

Right.

457

: 00:23:32

That's hard because my son and

daughter-in-law have two babies.

458

: 00:23:37

My.

459

: 00:23:38

Oldest daughter is a medical

doctor and her husband's an

460

: 00:23:42

engineer and they have a baby and.

461

: 00:23:45

It's everything is different, the cost of

houses compared to what they're earning.

462

: 00:23:51

Mm-hmm.

463

: 00:23:51

And yet they strive to create

the life that they had, you know?

464

: 00:23:57

Right.

465

: 00:23:57

Or that their father was

able to provide to his.

466

: 00:24:01

His children.

467

: 00:24:02

And I gotta mention my Sophia,

my baby that I adopted by far.

468

: 00:24:05

She's just in college now, having fun.

469

: 00:24:07

So.

470

: 00:24:07

Well, good for her.

471

: 00:24:09

Yeah, she's good.

472

: 00:24:09

So she's not so tied down with all this.

473

: 00:24:11

She's still like, you know.

474

: 00:24:13

Mm-hmm.

475

: 00:24:14

Living in that not, that's

not reality yet, but that is,

476

: 00:24:17

that is something that's real.

477

: 00:24:19

And I can't imagine being back then.

478

: 00:24:26

And feeling like you're working so

hard, but you can't give your children.

479

: 00:24:29

Mm-hmm.

480

: 00:24:30

Which we know that stuff isn't important.

481

: 00:24:32

The main thing is the love,

the attention, the right.

482

: 00:24:35

But what, what do people

do in this economy?

483

: 00:24:39

What, what would you advise?

484

: 00:24:41

Um, right.

485

: 00:24:43

Speaker 2: So, excuse me.

486

: 00:24:45

Um, first I wanna say one thing.

487

: 00:24:48

I forget, and that is that for your

listeners today, if anyone wants.

488

: 00:24:55

Me to do a stress test on their portfolio.

489

: 00:24:59

I would be happy to do that.

490

: 00:25:01

So I take a look at your finances and

put it through rigorous tests and say,

491

: 00:25:08

okay, what parts of your finance of your.

492

: 00:25:11

Strategies hold up under different types

of circumstances and, um, it's, it's

493

: 00:25:17

just a, a treasure trove of information.

494

: 00:25:19

So before I forget, I

wanna put that out there.

495

: 00:25:22

Yeah.

496

: 00:25:22

I appreciate that.

497

: 00:25:23

Yes.

498

: 00:25:23

Yeah.

499

: 00:25:25

And then for the younger

generation, it is tough.

500

: 00:25:27

My son and his wife are expecting,

and they have been looking for

501

: 00:25:32

their first home, their starter

home, and they each time get outbid.

502

: 00:25:40

Speaker: Well, and it's crazy because,

um, my daughter finished her residency

503

: 00:25:46

and couldn't sell their home in Iowa City,

and so they couldn't buy anything here.

504

: 00:25:54

So their, they had to rent.

505

: 00:25:56

Right.

506

: 00:25:57

And then.

507

: 00:25:59

But now they're having trouble selling.

508

: 00:26:01

It's a, it's a townhouse and they're

having trouble selling it, which you,

509

: 00:26:06

when they came in like four years ago,

we had to, you know, they had to buy it

510

: 00:26:11

sight unseen because things were flying.

511

: 00:26:14

It's just, it's so crazy and dependent on.

512

: 00:26:17

On, you know, what level of home

513

: 00:26:19

Speaker 2: you're

514

: 00:26:20

Speaker: looking

515

: 00:26:20

Speaker 2: at?

516

: 00:26:20

Yes.

517

: 00:26:21

Well, so my overall advice for, for,

for that generation, and I think this

518

: 00:26:27

goes for everyone, is again, going

back to having conversations with

519

: 00:26:34

your spouse or if you're on your own

conversations with yourself about what.

520

: 00:26:41

Are your priorities.

521

: 00:26:43

Mm-hmm.

522

: 00:26:44

What are your values around money?

523

: 00:26:47

What are your values in your life?

524

: 00:26:51

And then let yourself, you know,

let your mind just explore, okay,

525

: 00:26:59

what are the things that are

really, really important to me?

526

: 00:27:03

Mm-hmm.

527

: 00:27:04

What are the things that I.

528

: 00:27:07

When I leave this world,

what do I wanna be known for?

529

: 00:27:11

Yes.

530

: 00:27:12

What are the things that, when I am on my

deathbed, I wanna be grateful that I did?

531

: 00:27:19

And so really thinking about life

in those, in those big, important.

532

: 00:27:26

Ways, and then, and then you can

start to visualize it with goals.

533

: 00:27:33

You can say, you know, whatever

that may be based on your values.

534

: 00:27:38

Hmm.

535

: 00:27:38

And based on your goals.

536

: 00:27:41

And then, and then you can

put the financial strategies

537

: 00:27:45

in place to get there.

538

: 00:27:47

Yeah.

539

: 00:27:48

And I, a, a young couple.

540

: 00:27:51

They wanted to, they wanted to upsize.

541

: 00:27:55

They, you know, are in the tiny

little house and they're gonna have

542

: 00:27:58

some kids and they wanted to upsize.

543

: 00:28:00

Well, after going through, um, some,

uh, I have an, uh, established process

544

: 00:28:06

that I use, and after going through

this established process, they.

545

: 00:28:11

Realized that their, her parents are in

Wisconsin and not healthy and they love

546

: 00:28:19

Wisconsin, and the, the parents live on

a lake and that the most important thing

547

: 00:28:23

to them right now is to have a place in

Wisconsin on the lake near her parents,

548

: 00:28:28

and they still wanna footprint here in St.

549

: 00:28:30

Louis.

550

: 00:28:31

But it dramatically changed

what they had come in thinking

551

: 00:28:37

that they were going to do.

552

: 00:28:38

They were thinking, we're gonna sell

our house and buy a new big house.

553

: 00:28:41

Mm-hmm.

554

: 00:28:41

Instead they sold their house,

bought a smaller house, and then

555

: 00:28:44

bought a lake house in Wisconsin.

556

: 00:28:47

Um,

557

: 00:28:48

Speaker: Kathleen, I love that.

558

: 00:28:50

And you know what, you just beautifully

circled this whole conversation, kind of

559

: 00:28:57

back to what we said at the beginning.

560

: 00:28:59

You need to know what you want.

561

: 00:29:01

Mm-hmm.

562

: 00:29:02

Absolutely.

563

: 00:29:02

And you know, we said that if

there's anything you get out of this.

564

: 00:29:06

Sit down and think through.

565

: 00:29:08

Yeah.

566

: 00:29:08

And talk to your partner.

567

: 00:29:10

Yeah.

568

: 00:29:10

Um, about what do you really want.

569

: 00:29:13

Yeah.

570

: 00:29:13

And then you're ready.

571

: 00:29:15

I love that you're ready to start

planning and moving forward.

572

: 00:29:18

Mm-hmm.

573

: 00:29:19

Speaker 2: And you know, a lot of that

turns into marriage counseling session.

574

: 00:29:22

Yes.

575

: 00:29:24

Amen.

576

: 00:29:26

Yep.

577

: 00:29:26

Yep.

578

: 00:29:27

Which is great.

579

: 00:29:28

That conversation, you know,

you do need to go through some

580

: 00:29:31

tough conversations usually.

581

: 00:29:34

Even know Kathleen,

and that's what I have.

582

: 00:29:36

That's fine.

583

: 00:29:37

Speaker: Yep.

584

: 00:29:38

And what I have learned is that when you,

so if you have someone that's not willing

585

: 00:29:43

to have that conversation with you,

586

: 00:29:45

Speaker 2: mm-hmm.

587

: 00:29:46

You know, you'll

588

: 00:29:46

Speaker: see.

589

: 00:29:47

But what I've found is when you

work on yourself and you start to

590

: 00:29:52

think, this is what I want, and.

591

: 00:29:56

You work on setting your boundaries,

either, a lot of times that

592

: 00:30:01

person's gonna jump on and join you

593

: 00:30:03

Speaker 2: mm-hmm.

594

: 00:30:04

Speaker: Or they're not.

595

: 00:30:05

Right.

596

: 00:30:06

And that's gonna be telling too.

597

: 00:30:07

Yeah.

598

: 00:30:08

But what, whatever way it's

so important, start with you.

599

: 00:30:11

It absolutely is.

600

: 00:30:13

Speaker 2: And you know, I think had I,

um, had I been more, uh, vocal in my.

601

: 00:30:22

First marriage about my

needs and wants early on.

602

: 00:30:28

Not that we wouldn't

have ended in divorce.

603

: 00:30:31

We may have ended in

divorce a little sooner.

604

: 00:30:34

Yeah.

605

: 00:30:35

And, um, and then I would've

had more time, um, you know, um.

606

: 00:30:42

Doing my, my, the things financially that

support my goals and, and values, right?

607

: 00:30:50

Well, and it, it all turned out fine.

608

: 00:30:52

We're in a great place and I'm grateful

for my ex-husband and I'm grateful

609

: 00:30:58

for the position that I'm in, and I'm

really grateful that I went through.

610

: 00:31:03

All of that because it gave me a heart.

611

: 00:31:06

I never thought I'd be

a financial advisor.

612

: 00:31:08

Mm-hmm.

613

: 00:31:09

But it gave me a heart to help

others who are in the same situation.

614

: 00:31:14

Yeah.

615

: 00:31:14

And so I feel like this is the

work I'm supposed to be doing.

616

: 00:31:18

Amen.

617

: 00:31:18

And it never would've

618

: 00:31:20

Speaker: happened.

619

: 00:31:21

Yep.

620

: 00:31:21

And so in that sense, everything

happened just as it should.

621

: 00:31:26

Yes.

622

: 00:31:26

You know, I mean, yeah, you can look

back and, and say that about many things,

623

: 00:31:30

but we are right where we need to be.

624

: 00:31:32

Speaker 2: Yeah.

625

: 00:31:33

Right

626

: 00:31:33

Speaker: now.

627

: 00:31:34

Speaker 2: Yeah.

628

: 00:31:34

As part

629

: 00:31:34

Speaker: of God's plan, you know?

630

: 00:31:36

Yeah.

631

: 00:31:36

He has a plan and it's unraveling

before our eyes, and so.

632

: 00:31:40

Yeah, I think this has been

such a lovely conversation.

633

: 00:31:44

Kathleen.

634

: 00:31:45

I'm so thankful that I got to

talk to you today and I wanna stay

635

: 00:31:49

connected to you and well likewise.

636

: 00:31:52

And so maybe we can do this again.

637

: 00:31:54

I'd love to.

638

: 00:31:54

I'd love to

639

: 00:31:55

Speaker 2: there.

640

: 00:31:55

There's so many financial topics

we can explore around this.

641

: 00:31:59

Speaker: Yep, absolutely.

642

: 00:32:00

Do

643

: 00:32:00

Speaker 2: this again.

644

: 00:32:01

Speaker: And listeners, if there is

something that you're interested in

645

: 00:32:05

hearing more about from Kathleen, send me

a little note message me because we could

646

: 00:32:11

dig deeper into something specific too.

647

: 00:32:14

So I just have truly

enjoyed getting to know you.

648

: 00:32:17

You are a beautiful soul, and thank you.

649

: 00:32:21

Thank you for being here.

650

: 00:32:22

Oh,

651

: 00:32:22

Speaker 2: thank you.

652

: 00:32:23

It's such a pleasure.

653

: 00:32:24

I appreciate it, Lisa.

654

: 00:32:26

Speaker: You take good care.

655

: 00:32:27

Okay?

656

: 00:32:28

You too.