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Published on:

19th Jun 2025

Saddle Up Segment: Why Self-Sacrifice Isn’t Love: A Real Talk on Boundaries

In this week's Saddle Up segment, Lesa shares key takeaways from Tuesday's special episode. Despite being stood up by a guest for the first time on the podcast, Lesa reflects on her personal experiences, including her 34-year marriage and battle with stage one breast cancer, to discuss the importance of setting boundaries and reigniting passions from childhood. She emphasizes that self-sacrifice should not come at the cost of one's own well-being. The episode encourages listeners to take responsibility for their choices, set boundaries, and nurture self-love to better serve others.

00:00 Introduction and Recap of Tuesday's Episode

01:12 The Importance of Setting Boundaries

02:22 Personal Experiences and Lessons Learned

02:39 Reigniting Passions and Self-Care

03:47 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Transcript
Speaker:

Welcome to this week's Saddle up segment where I go over

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key takeaways from Tuesday's episode.

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And if you haven't listened to Tuesday's

episode, please go back and give it

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a listen because it was kind of a

special day for me where I actually,

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for the first time doing my podcast,

I've been stood up in real life, but

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I've never been stood up on my podcast

and I was, and I took a hot minute.

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To sit with myself quietly, and

I thought through the things that

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I had written down that I wanted

to speak to this guest about.

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Were all things that I could speak on,

and so it was, it was a fun episode

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and I took my own experiences through

my 34 year marriage through my dealing

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with the stage one breast cancer that

I had to go through a lot of treatment

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that that was a hard thing for me and

the things that I recently learned

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along the way, things that I wish.

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I would've known years ago, it

would've made my life so much.

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Well, it would've made me

suffer a little bit less.

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So I just wanna share that with you

because I know boundaries is a big word

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and I talk about it in that episode.

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And here is the thing I.

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They are simple in how we think

through them, but they're hard to do.

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It's really hard for me to set boundaries

with things like spending money on a kid.

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I want to like give them the

world, and it's really hard

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for me to draw a line there.

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It was really hard for me to draw

boundaries in my marriage on, and

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it, it's not, it's so interesting

how when you say yes to something

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that you don't really wanna do,

it's not the other person's fault.

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It's all your responsibility

and there's no shame in it, and

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there's no beating yourself up.

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But here's the thing, take responsibility.

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So in the future you can

make a different decision.

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You have the choice to say no, and yep.

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Sometimes that's uncomfortable.

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Sometimes someone might not like

you, but that's your choice.

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So it's not the person's

fault that you say yes to.

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So I have learned to hold my anger.

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Back on that person and

just work on myself.

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So boundaries are a bridge.

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They are not a wall, and they have helped

my relationships immensely in life.

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And then to also, another thing I talked

about is to reignite those passions.

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Think about what you love to do

as a kid, and you'll be surprised

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at how it may want you to go back.

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Do it again.

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In fact, I came up to my husband, he

put his hand on my forehead because I

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said, I wanna take the grandkids camping.

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And he was like, are you kidding me?

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Because you and camping did not mix.

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But you know what?

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There were parts of camping that did

mix and there are ways of camping.

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Yeah.

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I don't really like to go way

up in the boondocks in a canoe

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with no motor, no bathroom, no.

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None of that.

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But I don't mind going, um.

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In a nice camper with a

shower in a beautiful spot.

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So reignite those passions.

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We can figure out what we like.

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And here's the thing, friends,

self-sacrifice isn't love if it costs you.

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You self-sacrifice is

not love if it costs you.

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You, I know women, we all think

we have to sacrifice ourselves.

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That's not really the way to do

it, and that's what I've learned.

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Keep building yourself up, loving

yourself, setting your boundaries,

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and you will overflow with being able

to help and love and serve the world.

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Thanks so much for being here.

Listen for free

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About the Podcast

Doing Divorce Different A Podcast Guide to Doing Divorce Differently
Divorce, co-parenting, menopause, marriage, and starting over after 40—Doing Divorce Different is your guide to a healthy, faith filled life transition.

Hosted by Family Law Attorney and Mediator Lesa Koski, Doing Divorce Different is a candid, empowering podcast designed to take the fear out of divorce and guide you toward peace—whether you’re navigating a split, working to stay married, or rebuilding a better life after a major transition. Each week, Lesa brings heart-centered legal insight, emotional support, and holistic wisdom to help you heal, grow, and thrive.

We cover everything from amicable divorce and co-parenting strategies to parenting plans that actually work and support kids in thriving through change. You’ll learn how to prepare for marriage with prenups, revisit your relationship with post-nuptial agreements, and understand what it really takes to stay married or rekindle love after a rough season. If you're in the midst of a grey divorce, wondering how to not get divorced, or questioning whether love can be found again, this show is for you.

Lesa also explores the emotional and physical changes that often accompany midlife and major life shifts. From navigating the impact of menopause on your health, marriage, and mood, to dealing with the loneliness that can come after divorce or empty nesting, you’ll find honest conversations that don’t shy away from real-life challenges. And for those of you in your 40s, 50s, or beyond, you’ll discover what it means to truly build a better life after 40.

Health and wellness are deeply integrated into this journey. Lesa shares insights on the benefits of rest, joy, nutrition, fasting, protein, and bone health, along with the power of movement, community, and exercise to support mental clarity and physical strength. You’ll learn how to take care of yourself with intention—because healing isn’t just emotional, it’s also biological.

Mindset work and self-coaching are recurring tools offered in episodes to help you reframe your story and shift from fear to freedom. And through it all, the show honors the role of faith, spiritual surrender, and letting God lead you through every season. Whether you're leaning into your relationship with God for the first time or deepening a lifelong practice, you’ll hear how surrender can bring peace even in the hardest moments.

You’ll hear real stories from people who have done divorce differently, saved their marriages, or found new love and purpose on the other side. Lesa also brings in conversations about marriages that have stood the test of time, co-parenting through complex seasons, and the realities of parenting after separation while maintaining stability for your kids.

This is not just a podcast about divorce. Doing Divorce Different is about taking back your life, rewriting your future, and trusting that you’re not starting over, you’re starting better. If you’re craving practical advice, soul-level encouragement, and real conversations about creating a healthy, joyful, purpose-driven life, you’ve found your community.

Subscribe now and join Lesa Koski for weekly episodes that will help you grow stronger in your relationships, your health, and your faith, no matter where you’re starting from.

About the Host:
I’ve spent over 25 years helping families navigate amicable divorce as a lawyer and mediator, always focused on protecting what matters most—your kids and your peace of mind. But my mission has expanded. Today, I support women over 40 not just through endings, but in building stronger relationships—and sometimes even saving their marriages. I’m a breast cancer survivor, a cowgirl at heart, a wellness advocate, and a follower of Jesus. My life and faith fuel my passion for helping women thrive.

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Lesa Koski