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Published on:

21st Aug 2025

Why Selfishness Is a Superpower: Key Takeaways from The Selfish Year with Val Jones

Episode Description

Selfishness can actually make you stronger. In this Saddle Up episode of Doing Life Different, Lesa Koski unpacks key takeaways from her conversation with Val Jones, author of The Selfish Year and host of The Selfish Woman Podcast. Discover why being “selfish” is not only healthy but necessary for women over 40 navigating midlife, faith, and personal reinvention.

Lesa shares insights about people-pleasing, authenticity, and how small micro-steps of courage help women thrive after divorce, in midlife, and beyond. If you’ve ever felt guilty about putting yourself first, this episode will inspire you to see selfishness as a gift that leads to impact, joy, and freedom.

Keywords: selfishness as a superpower, women over 40, midlife reinvention, people-pleasing, The Selfish Year


Timestamps

(00:00) Introduction to the Saddle Up segment


(01:15) Why selfishness isn’t bad—it’s powerful for women


(03:05) Key insight from Val Jones: helping more by putting yourself first


(05:12) How faith and authenticity connect to serving others


(07:00) The people-pleasing trap: superpower or downfall


(09:08) Using micro steps of courage to rewire old patterns


(11:22) Lesa’s real-life story of speaking truth with her daughters


(13:00) Call to action: take Val’s free quiz and reclaim your power

Key Takeaways



  • Prioritizing yourself can actually expand your impact on others.



  • Faith and authenticity are essential for living with purpose.



  • People-pleasing can be both a strength and a barrier—awareness is key.



  • Micro steps of courage rewire old patterns and build confidence.



  • Selfishness, reframed, is a path to freedom, joy, and deeper service.


Guest Bio

Val Jones is a women’s empowerment coach, podcast host, and author of The Selfish Year. She helps women move past guilt, people-pleasing, and perfectionism to embrace their authentic selves. Val hosts The Selfish Woman Podcast and offers resources and retreats designed to empower women in midlife and beyond.


Resource Links



  • Valerie Jones Website & Coaching: https://valeriejones.ca/



  • The Selfish Year (Book): https://valeriejones.ca/theselfishyear



  • The Selfish Woman Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-selfish-woman/id1598491354



  • Free “Queen of Your Life” Assessment: [insert link]



  • Connect with Lesa Koski → https://lesakoski.com


Tags/Keywords

selfishness as a superpower, the selfish year Val Jones, selfish woman podcast, midlife reinvention, people pleasing women, women over 40 podcast, self-care for women, faith and authenticity, women empowerment coaching, doing life different podcast, Lesa Koski

Transcript
Speaker:

Welcome to the Saddle Love segment of doing life different.

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So this is the Thursday

episode that just gets some key

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takeaways from Tuesday's episode.

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It's just a quick hit.

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This is what I want you to know.

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If you are any woman, you need to go

back and listen to Tuesday's episode.

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It is so good and it.

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It's a conversation with Val

Jones, who's just written a

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book called The Selfish Year.

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She has the Selfish Woman

Podcast, and it's so insightful.

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We sit down and have a really

sometimes uncomfortable conversation

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about why we feel selfish, and

here are the key takeaways.

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One is she found, Val found that

when she took her selfish year, she

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ended up having more of an impact

and helping more people than she ever

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has when she hasn't been selfish.

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So let's start looking at that

as a good thing, because what we

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are learning as I am, you know,

moving along 40, 50 and beyond.

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I'm learning that I need to take

care of myself and learn how to speak

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my truth and be who I authentically

am in order to be used by God and

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to really help and serve people.

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I don't know why it's such a

hard concept for me to grab onto.

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And we talked about how can we do that?

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And she had mentioned, and it's

in the show notes, uh, little.

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It's not a personality test, but

it's a test that will show you

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what kind of a person you are.

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For example, I was a high achiever

tied with a people pleaser.

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So, which kind of the people

pleasing thing makes sense to me.

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We talk about how that can be

a superpower and how it can be

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really devastating in my life.

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So let's try to start focusing on

using these things as a superpower.

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So you can go take that quiz, find out.

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Who you are, get to know yourself

better, and then start changing it

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by taking little micro action steps,

things where you have courage,

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where it's a little scary, a little

uncomfortable, and you do it anyway.

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And my example was a lunch date

with my daughters and a friend.

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I was open about my beliefs in a

kind, generous way and, um, where

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before I might not be so willing

to share what I really thought.

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So, uh, really impactful stuff.

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Go back and take a listen and take that

quiz if you don't do anything else.

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About the Podcast

Doing Life Different with Lesa Koski
Real conversations for women over 40 about faith, fitness, and fresh starts
Mindset, movement, and faith after 40—because midlife isn’t a crisis, it’s your comeback.

Welcome to Doing Life Different with Lesa Koski, the podcast for women over 40 who are ready to rewrite the rules, reclaim their joy, and rediscover their purpose. Whether you're navigating divorce, rediscovering your health, deepening your faith, or learning how to have fun again—you’re in the right place.

Host Lesa Koski—wife, mom, coach, and seasoned mediator—brings real talk, relatable wisdom, and expert interviews to guide you through midlife reinvention with grace and grit.

In each episode, you’ll get practical tools and empowering conversations on:

Mindset & personal growth

Faith & spiritual connection

Fitness, movement & health

Divorce, marriage & relationships

Fun, purpose & starting fresh in the second half of life

This isn’t just self-help. It’s soul-level transformation. Get ready to do life different—because your next chapter starts now.

Lesa also explores the emotional and physical changes that often accompany midlife and major life shifts. From navigating the impact of menopause on your health, marriage, and mood, to dealing with the loneliness that can come after divorce or empty nesting, you’ll find honest conversations that don’t shy away from real-life challenges. And for those of you in your 40s, 50s, or beyond, you’ll discover what it means to truly build a better life after 40.

Health and wellness are deeply integrated into this journey. Lesa shares insights on the benefits of rest, joy, nutrition, fasting, protein, and bone health, along with the power of movement, community, and exercise to support mental clarity and physical strength. You’ll learn how to take care of yourself with intention—because healing isn’t just emotional, it’s also biological.

Mindset work and self-coaching are recurring tools offered in episodes to help you reframe your story and shift from fear to freedom. And through it all, the show honors the role of faith, spiritual surrender, and letting God lead you through every season. Whether you're leaning into your relationship with God for the first time or deepening a lifelong practice, you’ll hear how surrender can bring peace even in the hardest moments.

You’ll hear real stories from people who have done divorce differently, saved their marriages, or found new love and purpose on the other side. Lesa also brings in conversations about marriages that have stood the test of time, co-parenting through complex seasons, and the realities of parenting after separation while maintaining stability for your kids.

This is a podcast about thriving through Cancer, taking back your life, rewriting your future, and trusting that you’re not starting over, you’re starting better. If you’re craving practical advice, soul-level encouragement, and real conversations about creating a healthy, joyful, purpose-driven life, you’ve found your community.

Subscribe now and join Lesa Koski for weekly episodes that will help you grow stronger in your relationships, your health, and your faith, no matter where you’re starting from.

About the Host:
I’ve spent over 25 years helping families navigate amicable divorce as a lawyer and mediator, always focused on protecting what matters most—your kids and your peace of mind. But my mission has expanded. Today, I support women over 40 not just through endings, but in building stronger relationships—and sometimes even saving their marriages. I’m a breast cancer survivor, a cowgirl at heart, a wellness advocate, and a follower of Jesus. My life and faith fuel my passion for helping women thrive.

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Lesa Koski